Wednesday, December 29, 2010

so a funny prank was played on me the other day... *a mysterious someone* posted "guess what, I'm PREGNANT" as my facebook status. as hilarious as this was, it got me thinking about the way we as humans interact. It's crazy how many texts and comments I got within a half hour of that being posted. It just seems like everyone was telling me how excited they were and forgetting a few little details that they may or may not have considered...

Granted, yes, having a baby, no matter what, is going to be a huge blessing. But at the same time, anyone who knows me knows that I have a plan for everything. Jeremy and I had "a plan" even before we got engaged. We're both high-stressed people about being good parents. and yes, we would be worried about our abilities with neither of us having a real job, just renting, no insurance. yes, I got married young, but I didn't get married without thinking things through. Yes, somedays I hold family babies or play with toddlers and I can't help but feel my heartstrings tugging for little ones. and yes, it sounds crazy. and I know Jeremy feels it sometimes too. but we always always take a step back and remember our "what ifs"

so for final clarification. we are not having a baby (yet)!! We didn't get married just to have a baby, and we did not get married because I was already pregnant. I feel like all the recent newlywed couples around me get asked about babies all too soon. and if you say you want to wait, then Oh my land, you seem like this awful child-hating prude or something. and it just seems to me that we are all traveling down our little journeys criss-crossing, and we all want different things, and we all have different plans. In our case, yes, Jeremy and I do want me to finish nursing school and get my license before we start trying. simple as that.

and one last thing. I would NEVER post something like that over facebook. Jeremy and I would know for 3 months before we tell anyone, and then we'd tell family. and then maybe I'd post something on facebook. I just felt like a lot of people see someone else's status about something really serious and just take it to the extreme and freak out about it. and I also feel like a lot of super personal things are discussed on facebook that shouldn't be. yes, I'm I know I'm guilty of it too.

My thoughts are really jumbled in this post, so I apologize for that. I think I'm just still trying to figure out the way people think and all the reasonings behind it.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

crafts much?

it's christmas. and it's been a great day. a great couple of days. :) it never ceases to awe me how Jer keeps surprising me with everything. yes, I married the love of my life. keeps me on my toes and in love. :)

okay, so everyone who knows me well, knows that I love crafts. I love doing things with my hand... knitting, crocheting, gluing, arts, pottery, etc. etc. so recently I developed a new interest in plaques. yes, strange as it sounds... yes. plaques. so anyway, I felt like making plaques for the family as a Christmas gift. I was pretty excited when I started off... but as time when on and it didn't seem like I was ever going to be done and I couldn't talk to anyone about it (except Jeremy), I got more and more frustrated (like I do with all crafts that take too long).

so here's just a quick overview of the process:

Jeremy helped me sneakily obtain scrap pieces of boards late one night, and the very exciting craft project began! I ripped up pieces of old notebook paper and glued them on all of these boards.

then spray paint (of course) came in the picture. I really do love this blue. However, Jeremy didn't really like it that it was done in our kitchen haha. it's okay, it made us both realize that I need a concrete crafts room in our dream home. :)

 then came the writing. I went through 3 different black sharpies to write on these boards. the Chinese character is a symbol for "love." (for my parents, if you didn't catch the drift haha). I also asked all the couples (well girls) on Jer's side what their song with their hubby was.

Collette and Travis's was "You and I" but Ingrid. one of my favorites :)

I got pretty frustrated with all of this work and had to take a lot of pictures in between. so hence... all of these pictures. Randy and Julie's was "If you leave me now" by Peter Cetera. Josh and Emily's was "this kiss" by Faith. Melissa Ann didn't give me one, so I put one of my favorite love song lyric for them... "faithfully" by Journey. and Kellen and Melissa's was "Smother Me" by the Used. the last empty square on the bottom was suppose to be ours. but, as I said... I was pretty exhausted. There was many double trips to the stores, and mod podge is now officially NOT my favorite thing to do.

I also made one for one of my best friends, Jessica and her boy Aaron. and their song is "untitled" by interpol. yes, this was also one of my favorites.

this was my parents and xmas eve. :)

Jeremy helped drilled holes in all of the plaques and I put ribbon through them...

and here they are all wrapped for the cute fam!

the end! well, now I know next time I embark on a craft like this, to plan for more time. I seriously finished wrapping these the night before Christmas!!

anyways. more about our Christmas to come!
love love love.

ps. merry xmas!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

I was reading some things I wrote from the last year and the year before that. It gives me chills to think about the kind of person I was back then. It was like... I was screaming for help at the top of my lungs all the time, everyday. and still, nobody could hear. I have no idea what I was looking for. I have no idea what I wanted. directionless. I really was so... sad. I get tears in my eyes remembering who I was. I remember that I never got excited about anything. I remember how I never cried. I remember how uncomfortable I felt around people. I remember how my mother and I stopped fighting because I couldn't say anything anymore. I remember when I was starving myself because I never had an appetite. I remember how I would just emotionally crash into things so I could get through everyday. and all I wanted was for everyone to think I knew exactly who I was, what I wanted, where I was going. ....and that's fine. because this blog isn't about who I use to be and how scared am I for that girl.

I guess I just wanted to take a moment, step back and consider how grateful I am. It's kind of hard to explain to people "how married life" is when you don't see them too often, or if they don't know your spouse very well. but the truth is, I've never been this happy in my life. my entire life. and yes, 19 years does feel really long for the journey I've traveled. but, I could never explain to you what it feels like to be loved by Jeremy. everything I type here is just a tiny glimpse you'll see in our lives. Sometimes Jer still doesn't understand when I tell him he saved my life. and maybe he never will, but maybe that doesn't really matter in the long run.

When we started dating... I was just some crazy directionless lost depressed (yes I said it) empty shallow careless girl. and Jeremy took it. He always took me exactly the way I was and loved me to pieces. He is the least judgement person I've ever met. and I am so grateful for his beautiful family. I remember telling Jeremy everyday how much I loved him, how lucky I was to have him. I couldn't believe it when he would say it back.

There are just some feelings that you couldn't replace. There are just some things you wish you could feel all the time, always and forever. home. safe. love. gratitute. comfort. beauty. freedom. and I feel all those things everytime I'm with Jeremy. I remember having a testimony of prayer for the first time. this might sound a bit selfish... but I don't think I could accept anything not knowing Jeremy would be mine for eternity. and so May came along and I was never more sure of anything in my life. and I remember being so scared. of everything my parents would say and think and feel. and I remember crying and shaking so hard the night of May 28th, and I remember Jeremy, of course, being there to promise me everything will be okay and to hold me to sleep.

I remember everything about the next day being perfect. family. I remember going under water and feeling infinity. I can gather bits and pieces and I still couldn't explain perfection. I cry when I think too much into it.

finally Jeremy asked me to marry him. 5 months before we had planned it. of course he knew it had to be a surprise to be perfect. and of course I was mad at him right before he got down on one knee. I'm not a big fan of screaming. and I never use my "real screaming voice" unless I'm really really excited about something. hmm... passing AP calc and AP Euro tests. Hillcrest basketball winning region my sophomore year. a lot of random things when I was younger and very excited. yup and getting proposed to. "of course, it's a yes" and now without that ring on my finger, it feels completely naked.

so sealing the deal. I remember waking Jeremy up the morning before oct. 8th and telling him how much I loved him. he was so tired, and he listened to everything I said and he had to tell me not to cry. I was so excited to be his bride, to have him live this day I had planned for him my entire life. and there are things I feel like I have to tell Jeremy sometimes and it's the end of the world if he doesn't understand and I'm scared I can't get the words out right and I have to write a letter. and still the letter is ridiculous because it doesn't say everything I'm feeling and everything I need him to know. but he understands everytime he reads my letters. he can fill in the spaces in between my words because he understands everything I'm feeling and everything I'm trying to say. and so the first time we kissed that morning was also our first kiss as hubby and wifey. so cute :)

so yes, married life is great. greater than I could ever imagine, and everything I've ever wanted and expected. It's not just that Jeremy still opens every door and always pays for dinner. It's not just that he deals with my space heater temp. at 75 degrees because he knows I hate being cold. It's not just all the pictures he takes with me, how he always reminds me to text him when I get somewhere so he knows I'm safe, how he cooks breakfast for me when I have a big day ahead, how he's always so sincere and honest and true, how we both save and save but know when to spend, how he makes sitting in traffic go by so much quicker. It's so much more simple than anything I could tell you. He makes everything... right. It's just that finding your husband in your best friend and knowing it's for forever and more... sometimes you have to take a step back and be grateful.

I love Jeremy. I love those three words. and life is so beautiful.


Wednesday, December 15, 2010

10 days!!!!

okay. 2nd post.

I just have to get it out... I am SOOOOOOOOO happy! :) This is probably because I am stress-free and done with finals, and I've been able to clean our home all day... but also because... I love Christmas!! I'm so excited for Christmas!! Jer and I have a tree (Collette and I went Black Friday shopping and froze almost to death standing in line) and it is beautiful. still undecorated though. we will do it tomorrow! as soon as Jer finishes his last final! :) I wrapped his presents yesterday, and made sure his stocking stuffers fit in is stocking. YES, we have stockings!!! and decor all around the house. Today, I put a reef up and wrapped our stairwell with tinsel and lights. There are giant lit candy canes and a poinsettia at the end of our stairs. and even though hardly ANYONE will see... I'm still so excited. (pictures will be up soon :))

ps. I was just looking through our wedding pictures again... and I can't help but get so excited when I remember that day. It was perfecT! (with a capital T haha) but it's true. I'm the luckiest girl in the world to have Jeremy for my husband. and I think about that everyday. but that's too cheesy for blogging. and I have to go to sleep. :)

pps. I love this picture. We are crazy! :)

Monday, December 6, 2010


dear all who may be concerned,
we finally started a blog (yes Melissa, you win)!
so, we all know that married couples who "start a blog together"
...well, that's just the woman writing and keeping everyone else updated on their cute little married life (aw!)
so, I won't lie.
This is it.
this is us... well, me... but about us!
Jeremy and Liana Bodtcher :)
hereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee we go!

love love love.