Monday, December 31, 2012


-we were called to serve in primary, teaching two different classes
-found out our baby was a girl
-celebrated Chinese New Year
-had our last valentines just the two of us
-Jeremy painted repainted our walls, ceilings, trim, doors, etc
-we went to st. george for our "babymoon"
-were blessed with many baby showers
-I completed a million crafts so I didn't go insane my last month of pregnancy
-went to a few May weddings
-Jeremy turned 28 years young, and we were disappointed Amelia didn't make an appearance
-I left Canyon Creek after 3 years, because of a better job offer
-we met the love of our lives
-learned how to be in charge of a tiny human
-we were both release from primary
-went on a lot of walks around the neighborhood
-we visited the Vorwallers in lander, wyoming
-walked the July 4th 5k as a family
-Jeremy gave our baby a name and the sweetest blessing in August
-Amelia and I visited the pool many times together

-our family went to the Brigham City Temple open house
-Jeremy switched jobs to a skilled nursing facilty, working graves
-I started school again and cried for hours every night the first week.
-we visited hoogle zoo, tracy aviary, and the witches at gardner village
-Amelia and I went on a girls retreat to see Aladdin in Tuacahn
-I ran my first half marathon as a mommy
-Amelia started sitting up at 3.5 months
 -Jeremy and I celebrated 2 amazing years together in st. george
-we discovered the sheer brillance of chick-fil-a sauce
-we found out we were getting 2 new nephews

-Jeremy went hunting with the boys in Joseph Mountain for a whole weekend

-my nursing cohort sang happy birthday to me since we had to spend 8 hours in a disaster sim
-I helped host the College of Nursing's spooky 5k for Camp Kostopulos
-we were the Flintstones for Halloween
-we started planning out meals and cooking on a regular basis
-Amelia slept in her crib for the first night at 5 months
-Amelia's two bottom teeth cut in, and a right molar made an appearance
-overnight, Amelia started reading, playing, chewing, moving oh so fast
-Jeremy and I realized our soda addication
-Amelia met her buddies Bosten, Emmett, and Grant
-I cooked my first Thanksgiving meal, and Jeremy worked Thanksgiving night
-we put up our Christmas tree with our baby trying to move around us
-I started making Amelia's solids- steaming, baking, pureéing, freezing
-Amelia came to tithing settlement with us, and our bishop told us hilarious stories
-we started Christmas traditions- visiting temple square, meeting Santa, matching pajama pants
-we were spoiled this Christmas

-Godzilla visited these intense "new year" houses Jeremy and I made

I'm so thankful for all that we were blessed with this year,
I'm falling more and more in love with my life each year.

so excited for 2013.

Friday, December 28, 2012


some days you completely fail the ati comprehensive practice exam,
and you try to figure out how to get pregnant with twins,
so you don't have to even try to get your nursing license.

today is definitely one of those days.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

I have become that woman in a long checkout line with a screaming baby

oh yeah, this is why I never go out in public alone.
on the upside,
I definitely got all my materials to make matching pajama pants for all three of us,
 for a really decent price.
thank you to all random citizens that stop to help moms out,
and tell us our babies are cute, even when they're screaming so hard their faces are bright red.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

hurry down the chimney [tonight]

something about having a baby makes special memories such a necessity.
don't worry, Jeremy and I spent hours and hours researching and traveling trying to find a Santa that would take a picture with us for free.
I just couldn't make myself fork out 30 dollars for ONE mall picture with Santa.
finally, we caved.
and we did the fotoflySanta at Scheel's experience.
worth it.
(but would have been more worth it, if was it was free)
and don't worry, I've turned into one of those super bossy, demanding moms
telling the photographers exactly what I wanted.
because you know, I'm paying for this pictures!

pretty sure she knew it was dad under that beard.
she was so confused by that white fluff. ha!
man, I love these two so dearly.

fortunately, we got a crying picture.
Í've definitely always wanted a picture of my baby crying with Santa.
judge me, but I think it's hilarious.
finally, someone might have seen mommy kissing santa...
so... I've always thought the song "santa baby" was the grossest thing ever.
never understood why this sweet, old man would be turned into something...
flirtatious, sassy, sexual?
(how else do you describe that song!?)
this year, I get it.
that song is stuck in my head.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

where eternity happens

we went to the logan temple today (that's right, logan, not provo).
left our babe with aunt emily
the session was just under 20 people.
I just kept tearing up the whole time.
it's been a while since we've been to the temple.
i have no good excuses to share, just my guilt.
i am amazed at how good it feels. every. single. time.
so happy.
we are truly blessed.
self-timer, jeremy dips me at the last second.
love this guy, forever and ever.
i love to see the temple.

Sunday, December 16, 2012


the church is true.

you know?

going to church every sunday by myself with a baby is kinda rough. you never know what kind of trouble her smart little mind is going to conjure up- bipolar mood swings, temper tantrums, random extra feedings, loudly talking through the sacrament blessing, diaper blowouts, trying out new tricks, throwing her body everywhere, throwing up everywhere, pulling up my dress/skirt, trying to nurse when I'm fully clothed so it leaves a stain, etc. etc. etc. it's just really hard without someone to help out, you know? needless to say, you don't get to hear very much the three hours you spend trying to wrestle your baby.

I've been praying every week that I don't go inactive. no really, you think I'm joking, but I'm not. somehow every week, my prayers are answered and I hear something I really needed to hear. the first week was how the pure spirits of children really contribute to the holy sabbath, that even if you're not hearing every single message, at least you're coming to church and feeling the spirit, and setting an example for your kids. fast sunday this month, someone bore their testimony on forgiveness. which I needed so badly, because my anger with someone in  my past has been tearing me apart. last week, a lesson was given on service. Christ-like service during christmas time, and what we should really be focusing on. this week in sacrament, a speaker had all the new mothers stand. we all knew each other from the mother's room, our special bond of young mothers. the speaker recognized us, and reminded us of our little babies, their pure little spirits, a little piece of Heaven we have in our arms.

there hasn't been a sunday since I started going alone where I didn't tear up from a lesson. maybe it's my raging post-partum hormones. or maybe this little angel I carry with me that enhances the holy spirit around me. she has taught me so much. about motherhood, patience, the gospel, love, giving, kindness, about everything.

today, for the first time, we sat through all three meetings, all three hours, together. can you believe it? I almost couldn't. next week, I get to have my handsome Jeremy with me in church, just in time for Christmas. when we start the new year in three weeks, we go to 1 'o clock church, and I'll get Jeremy every week. so we made it, I didn't go inactive. He really does listen when we pray.

my sister was in the hospital at 28 weeks pregnant with consistant, hard contractions. I had a pretty emotional week praying for them. I asked all my friends to pray for her and her little family. just when I thought they were in the clear, her water breaks. but little Kohen is so strong! off this ventilator, off oxygen, passed his birthweight well before two weeks, perfect brain scans. but how could he not, with half the nursing program at the U praying for him.

Also, one of my really good friends, Christie left for Mexico to be with her husband during Christmas break. her cute husband just got baptized and became a member of the lds church this last saturday. my eyes just water up looking at that picture of their little family, Ger in white, knowing that families are forever.

see? examples are everywhere. at least for me.

this church is true.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

6 month checkup

weight: 13 pounds 7 ounces (8%)
height: 26 1/2 inches (71%)
head circumfernce: 16 inches (7%)
so she only gained a pound from her 4 month checkup,
and her head barely grew 0.1 inches,
and she shot up an inch and a half.
love that she gets that from daddy.
her doc says she's just fine,
to just watch my milk supply,
to make sure her low weight doesn't start dragging her height down.
she's eating her solids so well,
I shouldn't worry right?
can you believe this girl?
just ripping apart that sheet, like she owns the place. or something.

he says her heart is really strong.
that she is above and beyond a 9 month old developmentally.
crawling, walking with furniture, "dadadadada," gesturing to what she wants, etc. etc.
Amelia starts grabbing his gadgets while he checks her reflexes.
of course, she starts lifting the heavy thing to put in her mouth.
we love our silly girl.
every curious fiber of her being.

Sunday, December 9, 2012

on little people's nativity scene.

This morning before church, I sat Amelia down in front of her new nativity scene. While she chewed on baby Jesus, I told her the real reason we celebrate Christmas, of Christ whose birth angels sing. She loved it. She loved it so much that we made it through the first two hours of church without heading to the mother's room. It was glorious. And that, my friends, is the secret of going to church with a baby, husbandless.

Saturday, December 8, 2012

3 years ago...

I lived in a rented house in sugarhouse. It was my freshman year at the U. Those were the days I was learning the joys and the difficulties of being independent. It was a snowing, biting cold day, just like today. I was suppose to be studying for finals, just like right now. Instead I was doing some lame facebook survey and texting this cute guy all day. It was the exciting, flirtatious kind of texting you do went you're getting to know someone and you're both kind of into each other, and you both really know it.

He was coming over after his anatomy class at the SLCC, south city campus around 8 p.m. Thankfully that was not one of the days I order a large pizza hut veggie supreme and ate the entire thing in one sitting. But it was one of the days I was in my pajamas, cozily studying with my hot chocolate, or maybe it was coffee back then. I see a silver toyota tacoma pull up to the front of my house, anxiously waited for a knock at the front door, but instead recieve a text reading, "does your house have a for rent sign in front of it?" (my landlady was looking). Inpatiently, I open the front door, and wave him in.

He had the cutest, shyest smile.

Somehow we decided to go to walmart. Romantic, I know. We walked around the store looking at random things. I put a scarf on him, and he let me take a picture of him in it. (so weird, because later I found out stubborn he was). We walked by the 5-dollar movies, and I wanted to buy a scary movie to watch together, to which he said, "you know I can probably get you any of these movies for free right?" I picked out these cheap his and hers picture frames I found. Of course I got a tub of hot chocolate. We walked up to the cashier, and suddenly I realized I had no wallet. This guy graciously pays for everything. I promise I will pay him back. The cashier says, "no you won't. just let your boyfriend pay for your stuff." I stammer and stutter in protest. The cashier raises his eyebrows probably thinking, i really don't care that much...

We leave. He opens his giant truck door for me, and has to help me climb in with all my little treasures. I just remember thinking how sexy I thought his jeans were. ha. Unfortunately, I use to have this suspicion that everyone was out to kill me, that he would drive me to some dark alleyway, commit this murder, leave me in some dumpster to rot. So I started panicking, and really wanted him to take me home (I know, you are thinking I am insane).

We get to my house. My room, to be specific. He says he needs to leave, but agrees to watch the first half of Vacancy. We can't get it to work on my super lame laptop. So I beg him to watch P.S. I love you with me. We're squeezed really close the entire movie, you know, so we can both see it on the laptop. I get tears in my eyes. Still can't believe her husband died. This cute guy is so sweet to watch the entire chick flick with me. After it's over, we're talking in the dark.

He keeps getting these calls. I just keep hearing buzzzzzzzzz buzzzzzzzzz. He checks it. It's his brother. "he's probably just wondering where I am." I'm thinking, do you live with your brother? Is he always this annoying? buzzzzzzzzzzzz buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz buzzzzzzzzz Embarrassed, he checks his phone again. They text back and forth. I catch a glimpse of what his brother texts back: ''well next time you are staying out late, you better let someone know. I thought you were laying out in the snow somewhere with your head cracked open or something." (I definitely edited this; there was some choice words he included). He says he really needs to go. I couldn't decide if I was still turned on at this point.

Next thing I know, we have our arms around each other. Our faces are kind of really close, so are our lips. Fast forward two hours. It's 2 a.m. "I should really go, I need to get some sleep for my final tomorrow" This time I let him. Not that it helped at all, since he keeps texting me all night.

I fell in love with that cute man that night. I let him know it within a week, too. I stopped drinking and cleaned my life up quite a bit. He proposed to me seven months later. We were married exactly ten months from that night, sealed for time and eternity exactly a year and a half from that night, had a baby exactly two and a half years from that night.

Now it's three years from December 8th, 2009. I'm not celebrating with that cute man tonight, because he's working his guts out to support his girls. But I adore him so much. This cute guy that saved my broken life, and loved me for every messed up piece I was. I am the luckiest.


I am so grateful for the last three years with this man. I am so lucky to get many more, too.

I love you forever, Jeremy Ray.
I love being your missus.

Friday, December 7, 2012

she's only 5 months for a few more hours

This little sweetheart is my entire world. I can't even fathom where we would be if she wasn't here. 6 months old, tomorrow. I can't even believe it. That tiny little bean growing inside me, that came out almost 7 pounds, is now this giant baby.

She is so smart. I adore her curiosity. I love seeing her expressions sweeping accross her face. I love watching her look at books. She is constantly taking in every part of the world in through all her senses. The photographer asked me how I came up with the idea of "reading" with glasses and her books. When I was pregnant, I read somewhere that little girls are taught that their looks are so important, that it undermines their intelligence. Because of this, I make sure she reads daily, I make sure I tell her how smart she is everyday, her only item of clothing that has words on it says "smart." and why not? Because I want so many amazing things for her, her self-value being high on that list. Hence, a photoshoot showing off her love of books.

She is crawling everywhere; fastest to things she isn't suppose to touch (i.e. laptop, cords, papers worth huge amounts of points, etc.) She loves to stand. She has stood for a few seconds at a time without supporting her weight on anything. She is working on pulling herself up; it is so thrilling cheering her on! She has her two bottom teeth, and she smiles to show them off! She reaches for me when wants me to hold her. She only wants to be glued to me when we're in public. I treasure the moments when she falls asleep, cuddling me. She's starting to get the concept of object permanance- it's still kind of confusing! She is combining lots of different syllables, often times she says "hi da" We pretend she's talking to us. Still waiting to hear "mama," I'm sure she'll say it when she's ready.

I remember last year, this time. I was thinking, "man, this time next year, we're going to have a SIX month old!" and I thought it would never come. I just thought I'd be pregnant forever. and in school forever. Now it's "next year." Time flies. like unbelieveably fast. This time next year, we're going to have an 18 month old, I'll be graduated from nursing school and hopefully practicing in a hospital, maybe have another little one on the way, maybe think about graduate school a bit...

Seeing this makes my stomach hurt a little. Jeremy is 6'2", so you can only imagine how high Amelia is. But just look at that giggling smile. Makes you just want to squeeze her to death, huh? Our baby has also strengthened our marriage a million times in infinite ways. Jeremy sacrificed his dream job, took a huge pay cut, works graveyard shifts that suck his soul away, so he can be home with our sweetie while I go to school. and he texts me all the time, "sooo... after you graudate, if you want to work, and let me be the stay-at-home dad, I'd totally be down." I'm so lucky to be married the most hardworking, the most supporting, the most loving man around. Hopefully Amelia will find a husband that treats her the way Jeremy treats me.

I feel like I'm constantly holding my breath, begging to keep these moments. her smiles. her giggles. her curiosity. her love. her two cute teeth. even her tears. breastfeeding. her tiny hands pressed against mine. her shining eyes. her little boogers. her little tongue that wants to taste everything. her slobbery kisses. her tiny clothes. her naked bum. her pot belly. her chubby cheeks. her daddy's ears that I adore so much. I just want it all to stay. still. just pause. I'm so nervous for her to grow up, and it's happening too fast.

I get it now. Motherhood. Totally unimaginable and indescribable. So so so perfect. Thank you for changing me for the better, Amelia Ray. You will always be my baby girl. Happy half birthday!

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

on weddings

I simply love them.
not just because I love dressing up, and because I love seeing my hubby dressed up.
not just because I adore wedding decorations and eating my heart out.
I really do love seeing the bride, in her beautiful white dress,
seeing the look of her soon to be husband's face.
I love hearing the words said,
I love seeing the first kiss.
I have cried at every single wedding I've attended.
yes, cheesy I know.
They just all remind me of my own wedding day;
my own white dress, my own handsome groom with that infinite look on his face.
I love him. :)
congrats Austin and Emily Jackson!
sorry my baby wanted to add some loud words during your vows!

Sunday, December 2, 2012

November at the Bodtchers

because I have a lot of pictures, and not a lot of words:

1. Amelia falling in love with Stellaluna 2. The fam at Noa Filimoeatu's blessing lunch 3. Amelia has been helping out with cooking lately 4. My little baby's first night in her own room, 5 months old! 5. My Jeremy painted our door red on election day 6. Couldn't get Amelia away from the falling snow.
7. Life is good for Amelia Ray 8. Sleeping with your legs propped up is the only way to sleep! 9. Matching outfits, straight home from church 10. A girl needs options, okay? 11. Loving Mr. Rubber Ducky and loving to splash in her tub. We now bathe her in our tub 12. Just being a model!

13. Amelia playing with Emmett, Grant, and Charlotte. Love that Grant is grabbing her bow :) 14. Mama is finally down to pre-pregnancy weight 15. Just chilling with best friend Bosten 16. Sitting in the cart like a big girl, but lost her boot 17. Getting the hang of crawling 18. A little studious, don't you think?

19. Mama cooked Thanksgiving dinner for the first time, ever, on Wednesday, because Daddy had to work Thursday 20. A girl who loves swinging 21. Becoming an expert on pulling bows off 22. Napping after church, froggy style 23. We need a better way to take self family portraits 24. My mom bought us matching outfits- aren't we just adorable?

25. A pretty good picture of Amelia's bottom two teeth 26. Getting some driving lessons from dada while we wait for new tires on the truck 27. Everytime I turn around, she is right next to the tile 28. We got a package in the mail, but Daddy says we're not allowed to peek! 29. Watching Dad screw in some custom-made bookshelves in the office, and 30. Helping Mom wrap some presents to put under the tree!
This November was amazing. Jeremy and I are finally cooking meals every night. We are finally cleaning the house once a week. It's like we're becoming real adults, or something. Amelia is becoming more and more busy. She is crawling. and putting everything within reach in her mouth, no seriously. Change is happening quickly around this home, and we feel so blessed for it. The holidays are a bit more exciting with a baby around, I think.
love that Christmas is only 23 more days away!