2 years

year 2 was a little more special than year 1.

because we had our little baby with us.

everything is so much more important, so much more sacred, so much more exciting.

 

everything is harder, too.

 

we were in saint george on October 8th, 2012

 

 

 

as a family we went to denny's for breakfast.

and then we were off to Sand Hallow

 

 

cheesy, I know.

I will probably make Jeremy take kissing pictures with me for the rest of eternity.

 

the water was so clear,

Jeremy kept talking about coming back next year to swim.

and to fish (you know, his obsession).

 

we came back and did a little swimming with our cute babe...

 

Jeremy took me shopping,

we gave Amelia a bath

we dressed up,

and went to Iggy's for dinner.

 

our waiter was darling and gave us free drinks and anniversary advice.

and our babe was so good to sleep through our dinner.

I am only a little sad we didn't get a picture.

 

when we got back to the hotel room,

Jeremy had a little surprise waiting...

 

the pillowcases were really cheesy...

but the fitted sheet was really cute.

I found the idea, here.

 

it took an extraordinary amount of effort to keep it a secret from Jeremy

and also to make with an attention-demanding baby.

 

here is Amelia, helping me out like a champ...

 

 

so we completed the night with the "game of love,"

complete with "champagne," gifts, and chocolate.

I'm not ashamed to admit it!

 

 

I adore my husband.

we have our ups and downs,

and a baby makes the rollar coaster a little rockier.

I think it's so important to go out of your way to do something special for your special man,

even if it's super cheesy.

We've both been slacking a little lately, with a baby and all.

but we're trying!

 

I'm willing to bet our anniversaries will get better every year.

there's no way Í'm wrong, with this stud by my side.

thanks for sticking with me, Jeremy Ray!!

xo

 

 

1 year

 

fall break for the last time

hallejulah, it's fall break!
it's so interesting to see how far I've come.

Fall Break, 2009: I packed in 40 hours of work that week and still managed to party every night. I remember this boy buying me two monsters at 5 in the morning, so I could make it at work. That afternoon, I drove to BYU provo during rush hour weaving in and out of consiousness to have a sleepover with my friend, AmberLee. I was at the lowest point of my life, masking behind the best college experience. Getting drunk every week and going out dancing, sleeping over at frat houses with my "girlfriends," or without, driving and driving and making myself get lost so I didn't feel so lonely anymore. It was all pretty ridiculous.

Two years ago in 2010, I married this cute guy that turned everything around for me. It only took us 10 months to say "I do," and everyone thought I was crazy for getting married at 18. I remember that stress stress stressful day that turned out perfectly beautiful, like it was meant to be. I remember that gorgeous honeymoon, that I lost all my pictures to. I remember feeling as beautiful as Anne Hathaway looked at the end of "the other side of Heaven," the morning after we slept in our bed at home. My mom had insisted on buying us new, expensive white sheets to start off our marriage. We lived in the basement of Jeremy's grandparents'. We were broke as a joke, both going to school, madly-in-love newlyweds. it was a dream come true.

Last year in 2011, Jeremy and I were celebrating our first year anniversary in Moab, in attempts to recreate our photos from our honeymoon. I remember going on my fanatic, I-have-to-buy-some-pregnancy-tests mode after our anniversary dinner. We went to the store, and I got mad at Jeremy for not holding the pregnancy test for me. and I refused to take the tests that night, because how could I raise a child with someone who is still so embarrassed/immature about pregnancy tests and tampons!? We made up at 3 in the morning, and I had to pee. I remember thinking how funny I was for being so dramatic probably all for a negative test. That was when God told me I was in for the long haul, and I saw a little ( + ) on the test window. Good thing we just bought a house that was already baby-proofed, right? I remember Jeremy's sweet reaction when I told him, I remember buying a cute little onesie together, I remember Collette pranking-calling Planned Parenthood, in attempts to get me a more accurrate blood test. When they told her they don't offer those services, she asked in her thick southern accent, "so you mean I prolly shouldn't go out drinkin' with the girls tonight?" yeah, we were really mature back then. 

Now it's Fall Break again, and I have an almost-four-month old who delights in playing peek-a-boo. I can't find the words to express how happy I am. It's a pretty exhausting adventure, this whole raising a baby thing. But I'm grateful I get to do it with a man who would sacrifice everything to make sure we are taken care of. Monday marks our two year anniversary, and it marks Amelia's 1/3rd birthday. I am struggling to find a happier time and place in my life.


four years have flown by, and I have to admit... college has been the best 4 years of my life. not because I was independant and partied like crazy, but because I learned to be dependant for the first time in my life. I found myself and I found what makes me happy. I have made some incredible life-long friends, and I've made the most amazing memories. aren't I lucky to be able to say I truly have no regrets.

motherhood

alright. so i've avoided blogging because it told me that I had to pay for data usage. and then I apparently, I can upload pictures again. what?

I'm definitely starting to adopt the hubby's way of life... going with the flow, not worrying about anything, because apparently life really does just works itself out.

okay.

you know the question you get after you have a baby?
"how's being a mom?"

how do you answer that?
"great" is definitely not good enough. or elaborative enough. or powerful enough.
"hard" sounds like you're not grateful, or thrilled.
"hilarious" can't be explained thoroughly

anyways.
it's the greatest, hardest, most hilarious journey I've ever embarked on.

it's great because i've never loved this much. my entire soul and heart goes into growing this little human. I can't believe I adore her more and more everyday. I can't believe how much stronger it's made my marriage. I live everyday to see her smile. to see all her milestones. to listen to her gab about her day. to feel her reach for my lips when i'm talking back. to nurse her. to watch her learn. I love that she already has stranger anxiety; I love that she recognize me as her mama (sorry if she cries for you, but I won't apologize for loving this). it's amazing how smart she is, I can't help but brag. it's great because we were trusted to be parents; i was trusted to be a mother. Someone knew we were ready before we knew it. I still can't believe it. and I feel so blessed.

it's hard because I'm also a student. the first week of school I cried for hours everyday and told jeremy I was quitting. it's hard because it's sleep-depriving. it's hard sometimes I don't know why she is whining and we just stare at each other (i'm asking amelia what's wrong, and she's telling me to fix it). I've never cared too much about being the best at anything; mostly just accepted that I'll do my best and that's all there is to it. but I stress about being the best mom. when I grow old and she grows up, I hope to still be her best friend. it's hard because i hate pumping at school, and feeling engorged during class, or worrying about running out of milk! it's hard because i worry so much, period. it's hard because sometimes when i'm at my ropes end and I get spit up on for the fifth time, I feel like i'm not cut out to be a mommy. it's hard because sometimes uncle travis gets to see her roll over before I do.

it's hilarious because sometimes you just have to laugh. Jeremy sends me all these random picture text and sometimes I laugh out loud in the middle of class. or when there is spit up in my hair before it's even dry. or when we talk for her. Jeremy always uses a mexican accent. ? um anyway. it's hilarious that's she's discovered her lungs. everything she says has to be in a LOUD voice (hm wonder where she got that from...). I love the way she can go from laughing in delight to teary-eyed and right back again. I love her incredible attitude.

there's a million things I wish I could express about motherhood and it's just not quite possible. it's changed me through and through.

st. george

post half marathon

matching hawaiian dresses!

brigham city temple open house

sleeping together, post 1/2 marathon

tummy time

at the zoo, with mr. gorilla

 

please don't think i'm a terrible mother. (she didn't get any) but this picture is undebateably hilarious.

amelia's been hitting some milestones really early:
-she can roll over from back to tummy, and she does it everytime I put her down.
-she's been scooting herself around for a while now; jer thinks she'll be crawling within a month.
-stranger anxiety hit. bad. she cries and it's sad. but I can't lie and say I hate it.
-she's sitting up by herself for about 7 seconds at a time now.
-she is playing her her hands and feet ALL the time.
-always turns towards sounds and noises.

we've got a smart cookie. she never wants anything to pass her by!




motherhood is. everything.

first day of school

and I may or may not be already cracking under the pressure. Maybe I should just quit before I implode.

communication is key

maybe every mommy thinks so, but I truly believe my daughter communicates with me:

when I tell her thank you for being such a good girl and sleeping through the night, she grins at me.

when I ask her if she's going to help me fold daddy's laundry when she's older, she scowls.

when I ask her if she's going to keep spitting up everytime she eats, she smirks.

when she's constipated, she makes her "uh oh" face.

when I attack her with kisses, she makes her "mom, you're embarassing me face"

when she knows I'm exhausted, she tries to wriggle less when we're cuddling.

when I don't feed her at exactly 3 hours, she reminds me.

when we play, she gives me her "I love you" smile.

when I ask her if she likes something, she grunts.

when I try to wipe her nose, and I win, she glares at me.

when we do tummy time, she'll tell daddy on me. there are even real tears in her eyes.

when we meet a new boy she likes, she'll grin for hours.

sometimes when I talk too much, she'll fall asleep.

when I tell her how cute she is, she gives me her "I know" face.



I love my baby girl!

I'm so glad she is so expressive and our days are never boring.

sleep routines.

amelia's been sleeping through the night lately. 6 out of 7 nights last week, to be exact.
I never thought I'd get here.

it's hard to believe that I was once waking up every other hour for 40 minutes at a time.
slowly, the feedings got shorter, and the time in between the feedings got longer.

for a while now, I have been only getting up once a night. only about 10, 15 minutes though.
millie's dropped that feeding a couple times before. but not this consistently.

and she only reverted back once, but that night we didn't give her a bath, per routine.

is it weird I miss it? a little?

I feed her at 6 in the morning before running. and she falls right back asleep.
no more soothing her, no more 5:30 am smiles.

but then she's staying awake during the day
and her naps are getting shorter and shorter.
we're still trying to figure out her naps so she's not so cranky.

and. she's getting so much more personalitiy.
i love it.
but her growing up is almost unbearable for me.

our love garden, week 14

reaping what we sew, for real this time:

pumpkins are growing...

peppers are turning red...

and broccoli being chopped!!

this was only half of what we got off of two plants!

we gave some to my parents,

and used some for my famous buttered noodles

and check out these sweet babies.

oh, how I love our garden :)

happy summer :)