8/23//

our relief society presidency spoke in sacrament on home and marriage. in a time where mothers are seemingly unimportant in our society, i believe that we make the most difference in our homes. and while it may seem undemanding from the outside, a mom knows she must be skilled in medicine, education, nutrition, enviornmental services, multitasking, the list goes on. i'm grateful for the privilege to raise my sweet children.

and in relief society, i was reminded by sweet sisters that nobody is perfect. or have perfect testimonies or are perfect moms. we're all just trying our best, and sometimes we feel close to God, but sometimes we're angry with Him or pull away from Him. and that's okay, too. because He will still love us just the same. (another parallel i realized to be true since becoming a mother.)

cow appreciation day!

i was minding my own business, scrolling through instagram and realized it would be cow appreciation day at chik-fil-a the next day. i took the girls to walmart as soon as they woke up and got a few sheets a felt for $2 and whipped together matching cow costumes after their bedtime. i'm pretty proud of the fact that their masks kinda fit. (amelia and scarlett have the same size head... bah!)

amelia woke up and ate the best breakfast ever because i told her we were going to get fries after. the whole drive over to chik-fil-a, she kept telling me "i'm so excited, mom!" i'm grateful that scarlett's just our happy camper that's just happy to be along for the ride. we got there and amelia was  t e r r i f i e d  of the cow. she refused to take a picture with him, even though he was holding scarlett. and she just kept screaming, "i like sheep!!!!"

we got our fries and chik-fil-a sauce and lemonade and amelia was in heaven. she ate about three fries (and i felt like the smartest mom in world having her eat her oatmeal + yogurt first). she played in their playground and then kept telling me how much fun she had the whole way home. and then she told me we had to take dad when he got home from work. :)

i've been thinking a lot lately about what kind of mother i want to be. i've learned a lot from social media, but also feel like it's held me back. i believe that we all just want to be the best moms we can, but too often we get caught up in the prettiest pictures and perhaps silly things that don't matter quite as much. i worked on improving myself by stepping away for a few days, and realizing i could continue to step away if there were more important things to do. i've always loved making costumes and finding matching outfits and playing games that also educate and going to community events and taking pictures to preserve memories and kissing those sweet baby cheeks. these things are important to me and i will continue to do them. but the pinteresty homes, and the perfect pictures, and the crafts that my kids don't want to do, and all the fillers in between? it can wait until we have some more time. slowly, but surely, i'm figuring this thing out (until the next phase right?) i love being a mom. i'm so grateful for my cuties.

life these days

is busy and loud and outrageous. and i love it!
going out to eat as a family of four can be unpredictable,
but i'm learning to appreciate this lovely thing called young motherhood.

(we went to red robin, scarlett yelled the whole time, i nursed her without success or a cover, we got our food + boxed everything up to go, i took the check + couldn't remember how much to tip, amelia was a total angel though!)

xo

the benefits of waking up before 6 am:

Amelia discovered these ants and was terrified, but still willing to cheese it up for a picture.

just a magpie who stole the last bite of our avocado (see next picture)

 the only picture i could get of amelia with these dinosaur exhibits. cute girl was pretty vary of them...

ah, the girls and i are up between the 6 and 7 'o clock hour every day, makes for long days for sure! on a faithful friday, we decided to head up to the zoo and arrived right when it opened (9:04 am). It was pretty empty and just perfect! We stumbled into the seal program, which was just darling, and then into the leopard program, which completely disgusted me (watched a leopard jump into a tree and devour a bunny... gag). we had an early lunch around 10:30. little birds surrounded us, and amelia was anxious they would eat all of our popcorn. a magpie jumped on our table while we were distracted and took the last of our avocado, amelia has been talking about it for days. it was hilarious!

we've seen the entire zoo (i think?) in our two visits, and it has been so fun! we left around noon and despite my attempts to keep them awake, the girls were passed out before we got to the freeway (meaning they wouldn't nap when we got home, meaning i had a long afternoon ahead of me). i opted for a frosted lemonade from chik-fil-a. by myself. the timing was a bit cynical... as soon as i finished the last sip, scarlett started squawking and amelia started mumbling, and that was the end of their 40 minute nap!

love these girls and our adventures and motherhood in general.
xo

5/31//

I'm not going to lie, I don't have a huge spiritual message to share today. I took Amelia to the bathroom when we sustained members into new callings, I nursed Scarlett during sacrament, and then rocked her to sleeping during an entire talk. When I finally sat back down, I wanted to cry and I wanted to leave. I just felt emotionally drained as I tried to remember what was said about "keeping the Sabbath day holy." I sat there after the meeting ended, just trying to will myself to go to the remaining two meetings. A dear sister came up to me with her daughters (whom I loved from young women's), she told me: every time she hears a baby cry in sacrament, she remembers how much she misses this stage of motherhood. She told me she knows it is so hard, but this time will pass quickly. (Amelia is crawling all over me, I'm holding both girls, and I'm totally bawling at this point) She told me I am everything to these girls, their whole world; that one day they will listen to their friends more than they listen to me. She told me that I was doing a great job, and my girls knew it. She and her girls gave me (us) a hug, and I was so grateful this sweet moment that I needed.

it's so hard, but it's so good too.

scarlett: 5 months old

The biggest item to note this month is Scarlett's milestone and personality growth. I've loved getting to know this sweet girl and her smiles.

I mentioned Scarlett's screech in previous months. Oh man, Jeremy's dad even recorded and showed it to people at work. Did I mention it was all day, all night, happy, tired, excited, angry, hungry, non-stop. It was a little rough on us. She lost her voice this month, and had a sad little coo. It eased my soul, and I didn't feel so tired and overwhelmed all the time.

Scarlett feeds at 8 pm and goes down for the night. Another feeding at 11 pm and sleeps until 5 am. I feed her at 5, mooooost of the time she sleep until 7, we're trying to convince her another hour doesn't hurt. I was trying to feed her every three hours 11, 2, 5 during the day, but I allow cluster feedings if I can sleep at night. I'm wondering where we go when we start solids next month. I can't remember... Mamas, help?????

How did we start sleeping more? 1) We weaned out the pacifier. (it was getting difficult with it falling out every 10 minutes in the middle of the night.) 2) We got rid of the velcro wrap (swaddled with just a blanket, and then got rid of that too). 3) Introduced a lovey. (she is always holding her blanket square whenever we get her from her crib.)

Scarlett has been rolling over back to front all. the. time.  plus, she rolls around the room to get closer to Amelia as she plays. She sits up by herself for a few seconds at a time. She has been so much happier these days, and I truly think her big spirit was frustrated in a body that couldn't move how she wanted it to. She coos, and watches, and giggles and follows, and life is just easier these days. She takes two naps a day, and they range between half an hour to two hours. May the odds be ever in my favor.

Moved up to size 2 diapers, wearing 3-6 month clothing, sweetest hands and toes. Her haemangioma is looking lighter these days, but remains about the same size. No teeth yet (!), love her light hair coming in, her sweet fair skin has got me all sorts of worried in this summer sun, has increased nursing time to a good 10-15 minutes. Loves holding play spoons and her grouchy ladybug, loves to give a gummy smile, loves all the attention in the world.

Oh yes, I have been wearing Scarlett a lot these days. She grabbed the hot pan while I was cooking and instantly got these huge blisters on her right hand. Lavender oil, tylenol, a pediatrician visit, hand wrapped with silvadene, a heavy guilty mama heart, and a week later, the second degree burn has reduced to a few scabs. Thankfully, it wasn't any worse.

I love my sweet Scarlett Anne.

memorial day 2015

I crave to make holidays meaningful for my children. Fun, exciting, memorable. I haven't been feeling myself, but I tried so hard for Memorial Day. Jer and I (mostly Jer) hung our flag the night before. The girls and I spent most of the day outdoors: bike rides + sidewalk chalk. It was truly such a beautiful day! We did our grocery shopping after naps and Jer had gotten home from work, ran into my visiting teachee (with whom Jer got confused with my nurse manager that we had ran into a while ago bah!). Jer grilled beef/veggie burgers for dinner while Amelia and I baked cookies for a couple of veteran families in our ward. We all stuffed our faces and ended the evening with a walk around the neighborhood delivering our treats! Maybe when the girls are a little older we can do another bike parade to listen to the veterans speak again? Until then, I guess a little act of service will do.

ps. maybe you wondered why Amelia is wearing two different shirts in these pictures? My girl changes her outfit multiple times a day, no big deal!


memorial day 2014
memorial day 2013

mother's day

on mother's day, i posted:
"this divine, sacred calling that is so, so hard has me in tears + on my knees almost every single day. i'm so grateful + overwhelmed to be trusted with this responsibility to grow and nurture these little spirits. last mother's day, we found out that scarlett was on her way, my arms have never been more full, but neither has my heart.

happy mother's day to you, regardless of what stage of motherhood you're in! thank you for inspiring me to love more + give more!"


what else is there to say? i've given every ounce of myself to this calling, and so has all my examples of motherhood. i dare say there's nothing more powerful than a mother's love.

xo

3/22//

from the pulpit today: "if you are judging someone, you are too busy to love them." and don't we all need a little more love? motherhood has taught me all too much about judging... truly, we're all imperfect, but just trying to do our best. trying each and every day to be more like my savior and love others with all my heart.

closing song was my fav today: he lives to silence all my fears, he lives to wipe away my tears, he lives to calm my troubled heart, he lives all blessings to impart.

also, jer hung out with scarlett in the hall because she's been extra fussy. while she was howling outside, amelia leans in to me and whispers, "that's my sister. she's cryin' " ha! little things she says that melt my mama heart.

ps. we (amelia) locked ourselves out today and had jeremy's uncle come save us! (thank you!) while we were waiting, amelia did her pee dance and scarlett told me she was starving. yikes! in the trenches of motherhood, i say!

3/15//

my friend, sarah, takes a photo of her family every sunday. i love this idea-- to document and journal a growing family. i have decided to do the same with my own family and expand to it by documenting our sunday experiences. 

march 15th:: our first sunday, all four of us for all three hours. in the trenches of motherhood, i sometimes wonder if church attendance is worth the experience. i'm trying to take home one message every week for inspiration. today in sacrament, our high councilman told a story of his wife many years ago. she had made an observation, stating, "remember when we were dating, it was so romantic when we sat so close on our drives. now there's all this space in between us!" he replied, "well, i haven't moved!" he then expressed the need to let our Heavenly Father take control of the steering wheel and make a continual effort to grow closer to Him.

i got to say the closing prayer for sacrament today. and i blessed that we would all make an effort to do just that.

a name and a blessing for scarlett anne

wow, a ton of pictures for my girl's blessing day. big days like this have a way of working my nerves... but everything turned out perfect. no blowouts, no screaming through the blessing, the luncheon was great! geez, there's a lot of worry on the mom department for these events. and truly, the most important part, the only part that really mattered, was the circle of worthy priesthood holders and the words that came out of my husbands mouth. (i love that our bishop meets with us beforehand and advises jeremy to seek my counsel.) jeremy choked up a bit and i started tearing up (the man hardly ever cries). and then amelia hopped off my lap and it was difficult for me to focus... luckily my friend sharlie took notes for me (without me asking, she is the most thoughtful person!).

it was a beautiful day, but we had the luncheon at daybreak community center since you never know what the weather will be like in march. we ate cafe rio style, and i got 4 pints of their tomatillo dressing because i stressed we would run out. guess not everyone is as obsessed with their dressing as i am and now we have 2+ pints left over for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the next week (or 2 days). luckily i can drink that stuff. i am so grateful for my mother in law, who stepped in (like she always does) and helped me plan the entire thing. she also took over so many of the food assignments so i didn't have to worry about anything. i am also so grateful for such a supportive family who loves us and spoils us.

jeremy was a little nervous to get in front of our entire congregation and teased me that he would ask the bishop to call me up for a few words. he ended up forgetting to ask, but i had prepared to share my testimony just in case:

having two children has strengthened my relationship with Heavenly Father. we most likely constantly think the same thoughts: obey the rules, i promise it's what's best for you. we watch our children fail to listen and stray with their own ideas and endure through undesired consequences. it's heartbreaking and such a struggle to be a parent at times. it's during those times i get on my knees on pray to be better. i'm so grateful for this gift of motherhood, for this gospel, for my forever family for the love of my Heavenly Father, for the priesthood power in my life. i testify that Christ loves me and love you too. i testify that if we obey the commandments, we will live with other father in Heaven again!

to end on a less serious note, i love this man^^ at the end of the day, after putting the girls in bed, i told him: if i was a gorilla, i'd beat on my chest for you. he quickly snapped back: only males do that. if i was a gorilla, i'd give you a banana. haaaaaaaaahaha! still dying over here.

xoxo