He is risen

(easter egg hunt at grandma allred's the week before easter-- so rare that my girls are both looking at the camera, let alone smiling!)

(my parents did a cute little hunt for the girls as well They used hard-boiled eggs, which my girls loved just as much! amelia loved helping peel the shell and scarlett loved splashing the water in the basin. I have loved watching my parents become grandparents and the way they interact with my babies, we're so blessed to have them!)

I worked the night before easter, and purchased a few goodies from walmart right about midnight. as I was setting the basket up, amelia came stumbling out of her room mumbling... I'm not sure how seriously she believes in the easter bunny or santa claus since we try not to focus on these characters, but it's always fun leaving the girls a little gift.

(great segway into the our empty tomb lesson)

(and like all my lessons, it was short and sweet, and the girls ended up with something they thought was more exciting... but I'm sure they retain it! it was amelia's 4th easter, and she was able to tell her sunbeam teacher that it was mary magdalene who saw jesus first.)

(sunday dinner with the bodtchers)

(it's not that we have a favorite child, it's just that the other child runs too fast for quality pictures)

(grandma bodtcher goes a little nuts over her hunt... each grandkid got to get 25 eggs!)

(oh scarlett, just having a hard time)

I love Jesus, and I'm so grateful for what he has done for us. I'm grateful my children feel protected and loved by their savior, I love His presence in our home. I love celebrating His resurrection, and I'm so grateful for the knowledge of the gospel!

11/1//

Stake Conference is scary with young children, so we opted to visit the slc temple instead! We walked the grounds, visited both visitors' centers, and had good talks about baptism, the holy ghost, and getting married in the temple. I realize that reverence takes practice and we debated on whether or not we would skip out on conference. We felt the spirit so much on the temple grounds, and in the end, I'm so glad we followed this prompting and had this beautiful Sunday experience! This is my season to listen and teach as curiosity and growing minds are in full bloom. I'm blessed, and confident, and terrified for this responsibility.

PS. I'm so proud of these girls for just knowing what to do when a camera is pulled out. We practice every single day, so it's about time!

9/13//

Scarlett and I spent sacrament "churchin' it in the foyer" and mother's room, like most Sundays. I've been feeling a bit down because I spend plenty of my three hours in the hall with an upset baby who just wants her nap, and then we go home and my toddler acts really sensitive because we skipped her nap and Sundays are kind of a rough go for us. I've been questioning my testimony. It's been strange because my testimony and relationship with Heavenly Father felt rock-solid and unwavering, especially in times are hardship ("when it gets too hard to stand, kneel," right?). As a convert, I haven't really plateaued in my spiritual growth in so long. I remember when I use to read the Book of Mormon out loud to Amelia daily, and felt so much guilt that I haven't even cracked open my scriptures outside of church since Scarlett was born (nope, not even for the 90 day challenge that I helped kicked off as part of the relief society committee). Jeremy's testimony is unwavering and at times it can be intimidating. I shared with him my concerns, and we agreed to started reading together (like we did when I started investigating in the church). Honestly, I didn't feel too much of a difference, until I read this article and received revelation that it's going to be okay. My testimony doesn't currently feel bright and shiny and bursting, but it's still here. And so is my Heavenly Father, and it's going to be okay.

The Adamsons spoke and I got to hear part of Shar's talk on commandments. Another little prompting that I need to take Family Home Evening more seriously. Does anyone have any ideas on FHE for young families for me?

7/19//

brother villagomez shared his testimony with us on keeping the sabbath day holy + on staking our testimonies to a strong foundation. he's hilarious and i've adored his family for a long time (i served in the young women's presidency with his wife, tabitha) and am devastated they've moved out of our stake boundaries. (i know, you're thinking WHY ARE ALL OF LIANA'S FRIENDS MOVING AWAY!? i feel the same way.)

the relief society lesson was on marriage and family, and i was bummed that i missed so much of it walking the halls with scarlett. (i've gotten to know the primary secretaries well though) but i walked by the primary room, and they were singing 'gethsemane' and there was not a dry eye in the room. for the adults anyway. because of this experience, i've focused on singing this song in my home and amelia has picked it up as well. going to church is still helping me invite the spirit in our home, and i am grateful because of it.

06/21//

how convenient the content of sacrament was the power of priesthood. on father's day.
i'm not going to lie, i was a little vary and probably confused about the priesthood when i first heard of it.
i had a solid testimony on prayer and my relationship with heavenly father.
i knew that blessings helped me feel the peace i needed,
but it wasn't until the blessing during my kidney stone that all my skepticism faded away.
i'm grateful for the priesthood and it's presence in my life.

also, amelia got chocolates after sacrament to give to jer,
insisted on carrying it home by herself
took off down the hall to the kitchen
when we got through the front door and put scarlett down.
we found her with her mouth full
"i only had one!!"
priceless.

6/14//

listen to the prophet because he has the keys.
even when his guidance isn't trendy.
even when his guidelines don't include, "thus saith the Lord"
because he knows us + loves us.
and truly wants us to be Christ-like + live with HF again.

5/24//

choice and accountability
plan of salvation
our savior, his perfect example + the atonement
scripture study

these were the themes that stood out most to me in our three hour block today. i'm grateful that these are central to my religion and how much they impact me. 1 pm church is hard on our babies, and hard on us. after sacrament, jer took amelia to nursery while i rocked sleeping scarlett. our bishop approached us, asked how i was feeling, and i about lost it on him, he certainly seems to always know exactly what we collectively and individually need, and i'm so grateful he serves us.

in other news, i got a new calling today!

and i fell asleep while jer and the girls were playing around and woke up to an empty house. it's refreshing and spooky at the same time. they'll be back soon, but i'll admit it's nice to have a little time to myself to finish complete sentences in my head.

happy sabbath! xo

on a blasted kidney stone

I woke up on a Sunday morning feeling completely normal. By 11 am, I was cramping, puking, and suffering from left flank pain. I ran through the possibilities in my head... and immediately took a pregnancy test: negative. Jeremy asked if I had food poisoning from the egg salad I made earlier (guys, he hates hard-boiled eggs and is always giving me hard time about it), which I doubted, but was willing to entertain the idea. I spent the rest of the morning sleeping on a heating pad, but could never get comfortable. I remember telling Jeremy that I think we needed to go to the ER because I couldn't take the pain anymore. I called my friend, Jeff, who works in the emergency department and asked what they would do for me. He guessed that I had a kidney stone and gently told me they would most likely medicate me and send me home to pass it on my own. Awesome. My instinct was to suck it up and lay as still as possible. Around 5 pm, Jeremy convinced me to take the girls to his parents and head into the ER at IMC. By this point, I was willing to pay the $540938508 bill to end the pain. I remember just sitting on our bench while Jeremy got the girls ready. Amelia looked up at me and asked, "you sick, mommy? you need candy?" and all I could do was nod at that sweet girl.

I sobbed and puked for two hours before getting into a room. I kept asking how much longer before I could have some pain medication. I knew I sounded like a druggie, but the pain was making me crazy! When the physician came in, he told me my WBC count was 15 (elevated) and we would do a CT scan to determine the cause. My nurse came in shortly after to hang fluids; I was so disappointed she didn't have anything to relieve the pain, I could barely speak to her. Soon after, a different nurse (relieving my nurse on a break) brought me some zofran and dilaudid. Jeremy later told me he was thinking Are you serious? She's never had anything more than a motrin, maybe let's start with something lighter? but decided he would let me handle it, since I was the one in pain. I watched him slowly push it through my iv and my head began to feel heavy and hazy and the pain disappeared. I liked dilaudid.

The next two hours seemed to fly by. Time doesn't drag when you're not in pain! The CT scan concurred I had a 6 mm stone in my left ureter. The doc came in and told me I had a 60% chance of passing in on my own, and to schedule an appointment with the urologist if I hadn't passed it within a week. He wrote me a prescription for zofran, percocet, and flomax (to relax and help dilate my ureter). 

We picked up the girls and headed to the pharmacy. I felt on top of the world! Until I was in line at the pharmacy to get my meds and puked multiple times into my travel-sized blue bag. Yikes! I was more mortified than everyone else in line, but probably only by a little bit...

I felt amazing the next day (Monday). I was sure the the stone had passed into my bladder, and I was so thankful this ordeal had been so easy. Unfortunately, I was mistaken. By 3:00 am on Tuesday morning, the pain had returned worse than ever. I took a perc and tried to sleep through the pain. It mostly just dulled everything, all my senses, but barely touched the pain. It was frustrating and I refused to take it while I was caring for my girls alone (my mom came over for the girls so I could lay down). Wednesday, again, was a pain-free day. I was again hopeful that the stone had passed.

But by early Thursday morning, I realized I was again mistaken. I was sobbing as the pain had once again become unbearable. I waited until 9 am to speak to the urology office, who stated they would call me back. I couldn't keep any. thing. down for the entire day, not even water. I stopped eating and drinking because I was so tired of throwing up bile. I called the office again around 4 pm, because I was scared they had forgotten about me. I had a horrible conversation with the receptionist and I sobbed to Jeremy, mostly saying SHE CAN'T TALK LIKE THAT TO PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN IN PAIN FOR HOURS, WHAT THE EXPLETIVE IS WRONG WITH HER!? I ended up taking 2 percs that evening, and laid in bed completely wiped out. I told Jeremy I wasn't sure I'd have another baby unmedicated knowing how relaxing being pain-free felt. I ended up throwing up shortly afterwards. The urology office called me back and scheduled an x-ray and and appointment with the PA for the next morning. I was so relieved. My visiting teacher, Brianna, who had checked up on me all week, came over and play with my kids, sent her husband over that night to help Jeremy give me a blessing. I'm so thankful for the Visiting Teaching Organization and for the power of Priesthood. The pain remained a slight ache until Monday morning, and I was thankful for that too.

Jeremy was able to come to the urologist appointment with me. The x-ray showed that the stone had barely moved down. The PA explained to me that the pain isn't caused by the stone itself, but by the pressure of the urine attempting to travel down/move the stone. My body is smart, so it knows to filter urine on the unaffected kidney, and so the pain stops. Then my body thinks everything is back to normal, attempts to filter my urine on both sides, and the pain returns. The PA told me it was unlikely that I would pass the stone on my own, and suggested surgery for the following Monday. I froze and wondered if I'd be able to make it that long and what I was suppose to do with my girls. Jeremy asked if she would write something for me for anxiety. AHA!

The night I had a little panic attack. With the pattern of unbearable pain every other day, I was sure Saturday was going to be tragic. Jeremy calmed me down, reminded me he'd be here all day, that I'd be able to stay in bed and not move at all. Saturday came without pain and I actually went into work that evening for a full 12 hours. Sunday was tolerable as well, and I was beginning to wonder if I had passed the stone, if surgery on Monday was necessary? Jeremy and I debated on this topic for a while. It was driving me nuts being so unsure, and Jeremy told me he was nervous for that .01% of a freak chance that I died during a procedure.

Luckily/unluckily, the pain returned early Monday morning and the surgery was on. Jer had me take a zofran and half a percocet, and told me he'd be back from work to take me to the hospital for my check in time at 11:15. With the percocet, I could still feel moderate pain on my left flank, and a small ache on my right flank (what?!). The girls and I played and I hugged and kissed them lots.

We took Scarlett over to my dad and Amelia over to the Robbins' and we were off. My nurses were incredibly warm; we talked about my babies while they put and iv in and ran fluids through me. I met my urologist, Dr. Mangelson, and my anesthesiologist, Dr. de la Garza. Dr. Mangelson and I agreed to first attempt to blast the stone with shock waves-- the least invasive procedure. I was wheeled down to the OR, and Jeremy kissed me like it was our last kiss. Oh, he loves me. I told him to get some lunch and that I'd see him soon. Dr. de la Garza advised me to pump and dump just once after my surgery and told me he'd take good care of me. I was strangely calm up until this point. I had transferred on the operating table, given up my glasses, taken my pants off, and was waiting while shivering. I said a little prayer, and heard Dr. de la Garza say, "Liana, I'm going to give you something to help you relax." Perfect.

I woke up saying, "oh man, I really have to pee." My nurse responded, "oh honey, you have a bedpan underneath you, go ahead and go." I cracked up and asked, "how did you know I had to go?" and she responded, "you've told me a couple of times. don't worry, it's normal to repeat yourself while you wake up." I laughed even harder... Oh man, hopefully I didn't blurt out anything horrifying... Shortly after, I got my glasses back and returned to my post-op room.

Dr. Mangelson had already updated Jeremy, but he returned to talk to me as well. He told me the stone was so easy to "blast to dust" that it probably wasn't calcium-concentrated. He said that it was a "lactation stone," likely formed from dehydration during my pregnancy and current lactation (another fear to overcome before getting pregnant again). He had given me lasix, so I peed three more times before I left the hospital. Peeing was painful for the next few days, but otherwise I've never looked back!



I'm not really sure why this had to happened. It was close to being the greatest trial I've ever had (which I know makes me lucky)! I like to think of myself as a strong, independent woman. Still, I learned to ask for help and cried on the shoulders of someone I barely knew. I was humbled by how much she served me with happiness and love. This experience taught me to love more, to serve more and I will be better for it.

xo

4/26//

("it's a roly poly!!!!!" exclaimed amelia)

wow we skipped two weeks because of that dang stone, but we made it back today (5 minutes late with my hair wet, no less)! we had four speakers for sacrament today, and i tried to remember a piece from each speaker. the topic was conversion to Christ, and although the speakers were asked last minute to speak, the talks were definitely inspired. sister carrington (who is my visiting teacher and amelia's nursery leader too) spoke of finding Christ through serving others. brother maddox explained that we are all converts, each one of us needs to personally obtain our testimony and anchor it to Christ. brother dudley spoke of his niece, who lost a stillborn child and then a toddler to the flu, who has lost so much, but continues to faithfully carry on. by the time brother bachman spoke, amelia had thrown our tithing envelope (complete with the check) in the trash and i was struggling to focus. all i could remember was him telling us his son caleb asking him if everything was black and white when he was younger. ha ha ha.

i believe in Christ. the church is true!

4/5//

Happy Easter Sunday! We spent most of this day in our pajamas because it was general conference.

I took notes for the morning session (not the afternoon session... I'm embarrassed to admit that I got cozy and took a nap. :/). I noticed a trend between the talks... members who had lost their testimonies, anchoring your faith into simple truths, and the sacrifice of our savior. I was a little teary, since I have been struggling with many of my close friends leaving the church. My scripture knowledge is pretty shallow, and with my studying has waned with this busy life of young motherhood, My testimony is simple, and I am happy with my little forever family. Still, my heart is heavy and I'm grateful these talks are so individualized for each of us. I wish I could tell you I had a favorite talk. I really loved Elder Geraold Causse's plead to never tire of discovering the truth, anchor faith into simple truths, and seek companionship of the Holy Ghost. Of course, I always love hearing Elder Holland speak-- "he grabbed me, he held me, he refused to let me fall" a quote about two brothers, one's near death experience, and the other's silent actions to save him. I wish I could had written down the parallel quote of our brother and savior (mommy duties). All the more reason to find the talk and re-read it later, I guess. Finally, Elder Uchtdorf's talk about Heavenly Father's perfect love for us. I'm so grateful for this Easter Sunday and the promise to live with Him again. I am blessed because of Christ's atonement!

a name and a blessing for scarlett anne

wow, a ton of pictures for my girl's blessing day. big days like this have a way of working my nerves... but everything turned out perfect. no blowouts, no screaming through the blessing, the luncheon was great! geez, there's a lot of worry on the mom department for these events. and truly, the most important part, the only part that really mattered, was the circle of worthy priesthood holders and the words that came out of my husbands mouth. (i love that our bishop meets with us beforehand and advises jeremy to seek my counsel.) jeremy choked up a bit and i started tearing up (the man hardly ever cries). and then amelia hopped off my lap and it was difficult for me to focus... luckily my friend sharlie took notes for me (without me asking, she is the most thoughtful person!).

it was a beautiful day, but we had the luncheon at daybreak community center since you never know what the weather will be like in march. we ate cafe rio style, and i got 4 pints of their tomatillo dressing because i stressed we would run out. guess not everyone is as obsessed with their dressing as i am and now we have 2+ pints left over for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the next week (or 2 days). luckily i can drink that stuff. i am so grateful for my mother in law, who stepped in (like she always does) and helped me plan the entire thing. she also took over so many of the food assignments so i didn't have to worry about anything. i am also so grateful for such a supportive family who loves us and spoils us.

jeremy was a little nervous to get in front of our entire congregation and teased me that he would ask the bishop to call me up for a few words. he ended up forgetting to ask, but i had prepared to share my testimony just in case:

having two children has strengthened my relationship with Heavenly Father. we most likely constantly think the same thoughts: obey the rules, i promise it's what's best for you. we watch our children fail to listen and stray with their own ideas and endure through undesired consequences. it's heartbreaking and such a struggle to be a parent at times. it's during those times i get on my knees on pray to be better. i'm so grateful for this gift of motherhood, for this gospel, for my forever family for the love of my Heavenly Father, for the priesthood power in my life. i testify that Christ loves me and love you too. i testify that if we obey the commandments, we will live with other father in Heaven again!

to end on a less serious note, i love this man^^ at the end of the day, after putting the girls in bed, i told him: if i was a gorilla, i'd beat on my chest for you. he quickly snapped back: only males do that. if i was a gorilla, i'd give you a banana. haaaaaaaaahaha! still dying over here.

xoxo