9/13//

Scarlett and I spent sacrament "churchin' it in the foyer" and mother's room, like most Sundays. I've been feeling a bit down because I spend plenty of my three hours in the hall with an upset baby who just wants her nap, and then we go home and my toddler acts really sensitive because we skipped her nap and Sundays are kind of a rough go for us. I've been questioning my testimony. It's been strange because my testimony and relationship with Heavenly Father felt rock-solid and unwavering, especially in times are hardship ("when it gets too hard to stand, kneel," right?). As a convert, I haven't really plateaued in my spiritual growth in so long. I remember when I use to read the Book of Mormon out loud to Amelia daily, and felt so much guilt that I haven't even cracked open my scriptures outside of church since Scarlett was born (nope, not even for the 90 day challenge that I helped kicked off as part of the relief society committee). Jeremy's testimony is unwavering and at times it can be intimidating. I shared with him my concerns, and we agreed to started reading together (like we did when I started investigating in the church). Honestly, I didn't feel too much of a difference, until I read this article and received revelation that it's going to be okay. My testimony doesn't currently feel bright and shiny and bursting, but it's still here. And so is my Heavenly Father, and it's going to be okay.

The Adamsons spoke and I got to hear part of Shar's talk on commandments. Another little prompting that I need to take Family Home Evening more seriously. Does anyone have any ideas on FHE for young families for me?

9/6//

From Matthew 13: "And he spake many things unto them in parables, saying, Behold, a sower went forth to sow; And when he sowed some seeds fell by the way side, and the fowls came and devoured them up: Some fell upon stony places, where they had not much earth: and forthwith they sprung up, because they had no deepness of earth: And when the sun was up, they were scorched; and because they had no root, they withered away. And some fell among thorns; and the thorns sprung up, and choked them: But other fell into good ground, and brought forth fruit, some an hundredfold, some sixtyfold, some thirtyfold."

I want to fall into good ground, grow deep roots, and bloom where I am planted.

scarlett: 8 months old

I feel like all these pictures are blurry because this girl doesn't stop moving! Scarlett has grown in small ways all month long! Her fine motor skills are developing-- she now can pick up a cheerio and feed it to herself. She's pulling herself up on her knees and rocks on her hand and knees more often (but still prefers to army crawl). She started pulling herself up to her feet with the shopping cart, but realized she can reach items inside the cart just pulling up to her knees. Such is life. She has been sleeping better all around, 2-3 naps a day and 11 hours at night. Nursing and weaning (I think) and still not loving sippy cups. Eats so. much. food. Makes the funniest faces when I feed her strawberries. Can be so easily bribed by cheerios. Avocados are my go to. Hasn't quite come around to oatmeal yet (but I think it's because of the quinoa mixed in). Gives us the biggest gummy grins often (still only 2 teeth) and rarely pouts. Speaking of grins, she'll smile so big while she's eating that food starts to fall out, and then she'll nonchalantly push it back into her mouth with her index finger. She started saying "da da" "ma ma" and "ba ba" and chatters non-stop. Our happy camper and loves to swing, run in her walker, gum on toys, flip book pages, and do anything big sister is doing!

The sweetest sisters. I feel like their love grows every month! They hold hands and give each other high fives. Amelia now shares are babies and most precious, coveted items and will pick up anything Scarlett drops and sings to her when she's upset.

This next month will be a game changer. Amelia is off to preschool for 2.5 hours, 2 days a week. Bring on mommy+Scarlett time!

8/23//

our relief society presidency spoke in sacrament on home and marriage. in a time where mothers are seemingly unimportant in our society, i believe that we make the most difference in our homes. and while it may seem undemanding from the outside, a mom knows she must be skilled in medicine, education, nutrition, enviornmental services, multitasking, the list goes on. i'm grateful for the privilege to raise my sweet children.

and in relief society, i was reminded by sweet sisters that nobody is perfect. or have perfect testimonies or are perfect moms. we're all just trying our best, and sometimes we feel close to God, but sometimes we're angry with Him or pull away from Him. and that's okay, too. because He will still love us just the same. (another parallel i realized to be true since becoming a mother.)

8/16//

i'm not going to lie, this sunday was hard. jeremy was driving home from his "camping trip" and i got the girls ready and on time to church. amelia needed to use the potty. scarlett needed to nurse. amelia was thirsty. scarlett threw a tantrum. oh man, i'm not sure i heard anything...  except i know our stake patriarch spoke and brian brown from the the high council spoke on fasting. (and how we should be lax on this subject. we aren't perfect people, but we can become perfect in keeping the commandments).

anyway, i went home after sacrament and took a nap. bah.

8/9//

elder alder spoke on the family-- the center of our gospel. in these times, where we are often questioned on which side of history we stand, my testimony shakes. this family and this gospel is so sacred to me, so i choose not to place it where it can be torn down. it breaks my heart to know that trials are so difficult for some, and i do know all the answers of this world. but i hope to continue to provide a place of love and nurture for my children, as it is my calling and responsibility.

also, i subbed in nursery this day. #never again

8/2//

the sister i visit teach is the new relief society president! i loved her lesson today-- it combined four conference talks and reminded us to focus on our final destination + to remember that nothing is by coincidence, but divine preparation. I loved this message. I wish so badly that I knew where I was going when I was in high school... I wish someone would have shared with me what I know now. But, the older I get, the more I realize that "it's all in the Lord's timing" and it'll all be okay.