on a blasted kidney stone

I woke up on a Sunday morning feeling completely normal. By 11 am, I was cramping, puking, and suffering from left flank pain. I ran through the possibilities in my head... and immediately took a pregnancy test: negative. Jeremy asked if I had food poisoning from the egg salad I made earlier (guys, he hates hard-boiled eggs and is always giving me hard time about it), which I doubted, but was willing to entertain the idea. I spent the rest of the morning sleeping on a heating pad, but could never get comfortable. I remember telling Jeremy that I think we needed to go to the ER because I couldn't take the pain anymore. I called my friend, Jeff, who works in the emergency department and asked what they would do for me. He guessed that I had a kidney stone and gently told me they would most likely medicate me and send me home to pass it on my own. Awesome. My instinct was to suck it up and lay as still as possible. Around 5 pm, Jeremy convinced me to take the girls to his parents and head into the ER at IMC. By this point, I was willing to pay the $540938508 bill to end the pain. I remember just sitting on our bench while Jeremy got the girls ready. Amelia looked up at me and asked, "you sick, mommy? you need candy?" and all I could do was nod at that sweet girl.

I sobbed and puked for two hours before getting into a room. I kept asking how much longer before I could have some pain medication. I knew I sounded like a druggie, but the pain was making me crazy! When the physician came in, he told me my WBC count was 15 (elevated) and we would do a CT scan to determine the cause. My nurse came in shortly after to hang fluids; I was so disappointed she didn't have anything to relieve the pain, I could barely speak to her. Soon after, a different nurse (relieving my nurse on a break) brought me some zofran and dilaudid. Jeremy later told me he was thinking Are you serious? She's never had anything more than a motrin, maybe let's start with something lighter? but decided he would let me handle it, since I was the one in pain. I watched him slowly push it through my iv and my head began to feel heavy and hazy and the pain disappeared. I liked dilaudid.

The next two hours seemed to fly by. Time doesn't drag when you're not in pain! The CT scan concurred I had a 6 mm stone in my left ureter. The doc came in and told me I had a 60% chance of passing in on my own, and to schedule an appointment with the urologist if I hadn't passed it within a week. He wrote me a prescription for zofran, percocet, and flomax (to relax and help dilate my ureter). 

We picked up the girls and headed to the pharmacy. I felt on top of the world! Until I was in line at the pharmacy to get my meds and puked multiple times into my travel-sized blue bag. Yikes! I was more mortified than everyone else in line, but probably only by a little bit...

I felt amazing the next day (Monday). I was sure the the stone had passed into my bladder, and I was so thankful this ordeal had been so easy. Unfortunately, I was mistaken. By 3:00 am on Tuesday morning, the pain had returned worse than ever. I took a perc and tried to sleep through the pain. It mostly just dulled everything, all my senses, but barely touched the pain. It was frustrating and I refused to take it while I was caring for my girls alone (my mom came over for the girls so I could lay down). Wednesday, again, was a pain-free day. I was again hopeful that the stone had passed.

But by early Thursday morning, I realized I was again mistaken. I was sobbing as the pain had once again become unbearable. I waited until 9 am to speak to the urology office, who stated they would call me back. I couldn't keep any. thing. down for the entire day, not even water. I stopped eating and drinking because I was so tired of throwing up bile. I called the office again around 4 pm, because I was scared they had forgotten about me. I had a horrible conversation with the receptionist and I sobbed to Jeremy, mostly saying SHE CAN'T TALK LIKE THAT TO PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN IN PAIN FOR HOURS, WHAT THE EXPLETIVE IS WRONG WITH HER!? I ended up taking 2 percs that evening, and laid in bed completely wiped out. I told Jeremy I wasn't sure I'd have another baby unmedicated knowing how relaxing being pain-free felt. I ended up throwing up shortly afterwards. The urology office called me back and scheduled an x-ray and and appointment with the PA for the next morning. I was so relieved. My visiting teacher, Brianna, who had checked up on me all week, came over and play with my kids, sent her husband over that night to help Jeremy give me a blessing. I'm so thankful for the Visiting Teaching Organization and for the power of Priesthood. The pain remained a slight ache until Monday morning, and I was thankful for that too.

Jeremy was able to come to the urologist appointment with me. The x-ray showed that the stone had barely moved down. The PA explained to me that the pain isn't caused by the stone itself, but by the pressure of the urine attempting to travel down/move the stone. My body is smart, so it knows to filter urine on the unaffected kidney, and so the pain stops. Then my body thinks everything is back to normal, attempts to filter my urine on both sides, and the pain returns. The PA told me it was unlikely that I would pass the stone on my own, and suggested surgery for the following Monday. I froze and wondered if I'd be able to make it that long and what I was suppose to do with my girls. Jeremy asked if she would write something for me for anxiety. AHA!

The night I had a little panic attack. With the pattern of unbearable pain every other day, I was sure Saturday was going to be tragic. Jeremy calmed me down, reminded me he'd be here all day, that I'd be able to stay in bed and not move at all. Saturday came without pain and I actually went into work that evening for a full 12 hours. Sunday was tolerable as well, and I was beginning to wonder if I had passed the stone, if surgery on Monday was necessary? Jeremy and I debated on this topic for a while. It was driving me nuts being so unsure, and Jeremy told me he was nervous for that .01% of a freak chance that I died during a procedure.

Luckily/unluckily, the pain returned early Monday morning and the surgery was on. Jer had me take a zofran and half a percocet, and told me he'd be back from work to take me to the hospital for my check in time at 11:15. With the percocet, I could still feel moderate pain on my left flank, and a small ache on my right flank (what?!). The girls and I played and I hugged and kissed them lots.

We took Scarlett over to my dad and Amelia over to the Robbins' and we were off. My nurses were incredibly warm; we talked about my babies while they put and iv in and ran fluids through me. I met my urologist, Dr. Mangelson, and my anesthesiologist, Dr. de la Garza. Dr. Mangelson and I agreed to first attempt to blast the stone with shock waves-- the least invasive procedure. I was wheeled down to the OR, and Jeremy kissed me like it was our last kiss. Oh, he loves me. I told him to get some lunch and that I'd see him soon. Dr. de la Garza advised me to pump and dump just once after my surgery and told me he'd take good care of me. I was strangely calm up until this point. I had transferred on the operating table, given up my glasses, taken my pants off, and was waiting while shivering. I said a little prayer, and heard Dr. de la Garza say, "Liana, I'm going to give you something to help you relax." Perfect.

I woke up saying, "oh man, I really have to pee." My nurse responded, "oh honey, you have a bedpan underneath you, go ahead and go." I cracked up and asked, "how did you know I had to go?" and she responded, "you've told me a couple of times. don't worry, it's normal to repeat yourself while you wake up." I laughed even harder... Oh man, hopefully I didn't blurt out anything horrifying... Shortly after, I got my glasses back and returned to my post-op room.

Dr. Mangelson had already updated Jeremy, but he returned to talk to me as well. He told me the stone was so easy to "blast to dust" that it probably wasn't calcium-concentrated. He said that it was a "lactation stone," likely formed from dehydration during my pregnancy and current lactation (another fear to overcome before getting pregnant again). He had given me lasix, so I peed three more times before I left the hospital. Peeing was painful for the next few days, but otherwise I've never looked back!



I'm not really sure why this had to happened. It was close to being the greatest trial I've ever had (which I know makes me lucky)! I like to think of myself as a strong, independent woman. Still, I learned to ask for help and cried on the shoulders of someone I barely knew. I was humbled by how much she served me with happiness and love. This experience taught me to love more, to serve more and I will be better for it.

xo