these nights:

i've never heard silence quite this loud

and i’m not sure how to manage your smothering absence.

as time wears on

and i'm trying to get some rest before dawn,

it’s a shattering realization

how vacant this life would feel without you.

i can’t stop crying

and i would be lying

if i said i was excited

for this new employment,

the big paycheck,

our new house.

because i’m not.

i hate your job for robbing me of

you.

and it probably sounds dramatic

for where the blame is directed.

but i haven’t felt this

depleted, dwindling, minimal, uncomforted, miserable, dejected

in a long long time.

and the black hole scares me.