motherhood

alright. so i've avoided blogging because it told me that I had to pay for data usage. and then I apparently, I can upload pictures again. what?

I'm definitely starting to adopt the hubby's way of life... going with the flow, not worrying about anything, because apparently life really does just works itself out.

okay.

you know the question you get after you have a baby?
"how's being a mom?"

how do you answer that?
"great" is definitely not good enough. or elaborative enough. or powerful enough.
"hard" sounds like you're not grateful, or thrilled.
"hilarious" can't be explained thoroughly

anyways.
it's the greatest, hardest, most hilarious journey I've ever embarked on.

it's great because i've never loved this much. my entire soul and heart goes into growing this little human. I can't believe I adore her more and more everyday. I can't believe how much stronger it's made my marriage. I live everyday to see her smile. to see all her milestones. to listen to her gab about her day. to feel her reach for my lips when i'm talking back. to nurse her. to watch her learn. I love that she already has stranger anxiety; I love that she recognize me as her mama (sorry if she cries for you, but I won't apologize for loving this). it's amazing how smart she is, I can't help but brag. it's great because we were trusted to be parents; i was trusted to be a mother. Someone knew we were ready before we knew it. I still can't believe it. and I feel so blessed.

it's hard because I'm also a student. the first week of school I cried for hours everyday and told jeremy I was quitting. it's hard because it's sleep-depriving. it's hard sometimes I don't know why she is whining and we just stare at each other (i'm asking amelia what's wrong, and she's telling me to fix it). I've never cared too much about being the best at anything; mostly just accepted that I'll do my best and that's all there is to it. but I stress about being the best mom. when I grow old and she grows up, I hope to still be her best friend. it's hard because i hate pumping at school, and feeling engorged during class, or worrying about running out of milk! it's hard because i worry so much, period. it's hard because sometimes when i'm at my ropes end and I get spit up on for the fifth time, I feel like i'm not cut out to be a mommy. it's hard because sometimes uncle travis gets to see her roll over before I do.

it's hilarious because sometimes you just have to laugh. Jeremy sends me all these random picture text and sometimes I laugh out loud in the middle of class. or when there is spit up in my hair before it's even dry. or when we talk for her. Jeremy always uses a mexican accent. ? um anyway. it's hilarious that's she's discovered her lungs. everything she says has to be in a LOUD voice (hm wonder where she got that from...). I love the way she can go from laughing in delight to teary-eyed and right back again. I love her incredible attitude.

there's a million things I wish I could express about motherhood and it's just not quite possible. it's changed me through and through.

st. george

post half marathon

matching hawaiian dresses!

brigham city temple open house

sleeping together, post 1/2 marathon

tummy time

at the zoo, with mr. gorilla

 

please don't think i'm a terrible mother. (she didn't get any) but this picture is undebateably hilarious.

amelia's been hitting some milestones really early:
-she can roll over from back to tummy, and she does it everytime I put her down.
-she's been scooting herself around for a while now; jer thinks she'll be crawling within a month.
-stranger anxiety hit. bad. she cries and it's sad. but I can't lie and say I hate it.
-she's sitting up by herself for about 7 seconds at a time now.
-she is playing her her hands and feet ALL the time.
-always turns towards sounds and noises.

we've got a smart cookie. she never wants anything to pass her by!




motherhood is. everything.