Tuesday, January 21, 2014


A little update on us Bodtchers, while we've been deathly ill the last week:

On top of a few other sketchy things, Jeremy's (45-55 hr/week) job decided they were going to change from hourly to salary pay without a raise and expect everyone to work 40-60 hours. It was stressful for a minute, but Jeremy got a job interview and job offer within the next week. The best part is he gets to work with his besties from his first home health job, and we know he'll be taken care of. The unique factor is they also asked him to be the Director of Nursing at a small facility. (This cracks me up, because Jeremy has been avoiding DON job offers since he graduated). Fortunately, we both have a good feeling about this. I'm just so proud of the nurse he is and the reputation he has that so many people are willing to give him a good recommendation. So happy that he got his dream job back!

We (and by we, I mean Jeremy and his dad and brothers) are making major progress on the basement. Molding and walls are painted, electrical is trimmed in, and 2000 pounds of tile have been transported down (by my macho man j-dawg). We're hoping to paint the ceiling this week, lay some tile down in the bath and kitchen, and order some cabinets. After the cabinets are in, we literally have to finish the molding in the tile areas, buy light covers, and put in carpet. AHHHHHH! It's seriously been a long time coming.

Amelia is continually growing leaps and bounds. She copies me with almost everything I do (so sweet, but also a little scary) and she understands almost everything I ask of her. This stage is amazing, because she is happy doing chores with me all day. Literally, she will watch me cook breakfast on her step stool, help me unload every dish in the dishwasher, she loves "sweeping," hand me everything in the laundry basket, pick up all the toys on the floor, and we just read read read and go on walks to the mailbox, have lunch, take a nap, and wait for dada to come home. Routine holds a special place in my heart, and I'm so grateful Amelia is loving it too. Amelia's also saying "baby" all day long now, and it melt me so much. I can't believe that my baby is almost 20 months, and grows closer and closer to TWO YEARS OLD every single day. Also, Jeremy found Amelia sitting up on her changing table one the morning, panicked, and did find an even lower setting on her crib. Ha!

I had another death on the morning of the 18th. I think it gets easier and easier the more it happens, it hardly even phases Jeremy anymore. In the moment, everything happens so fast, and I'm just so concerned with taking care of the family and making sure I'm taking care of their every needs (even though I have 12 other patients on a slow day). But afterwards, an hour after your shift, when you get weepy in the bathroom by yourself, and the reflection of your nursing care and question of if there was anything more you could have done weighs in, that is when everything slows down and you really feel the ton of bricks that hit you two hours ago. I do hope it gets easier. I mean, it's not hard, I just hope it's not so hard for me anymore.

Finally, I signed up for a marathon. The SLC marathon in April, to be specific. I think it's helping me deal with my anxiety better, as exercise commonly does. I'm currently on week 3 of 15, and I've coincidentally lost 3 pounds. I run 4 days a week, 3 short runs and 1 long. Today, I ran 9 miles in 91 minutes. The crazy thing about long runs is how deathly you feel the entire time, but how strong and emotional you feel when you finally finish. I'm so excited, and my one goal is to finish under five hours (not a fast runner here, obvi).

We have our ups and downs around here, but we're still feeling so blessed for our little journey.

Saturday, January 4, 2014

2013 for the bodtchers

- I was called into primary to teach the CTR 5B class and fell in love with my kiddos
- Jeremy purchased and sold 4 fish tanks
- I started my 225 hour capstone at IMC Labor and Delivery
- celebrated Amelia's first Chinese New Year with my parents
- were sleep deprived and truly learned to appreciate naps
- built a snowman in Park City during Spring Break
- remembered our Savior and celebrated Amelia's first Easter
- Amelia and I started daily walks to the mailbox
- Jeremy built a "built-in entertainment center" for the ghetto gaping hole in our living room
- Amelia fell in love with swinging and slides and swimming pools
-graduated with my double bachelors
- chopped 11 inches of hair off my head
- Jeremy and Amelia gave me a gorgeous red planter box for Mother's Day
- celebrated memorial day by listening to stories by the veterans in our neighborhood
- celebrated Jeremy's 29th birthday at the zoo
- forked over $300 to take the NCLEX-RN. and passed it, thank goodness
- weeded too much
- flew a dragon kite with our baby dragon
- ran a half marathon. and another. and another. okay, 13 of them
- threw a giant party for our little one year old
- Amelia started walking and running
- Jeremy got a grill for Father's Day and we enjoyed our barbeques all summer long
- Jeremy went back to working in his dream field - home health
- I applied to countless jobs and eventually started my nursing career at a skilled nursing facility
- Amelia fell in love with green smoothies
- celebrated America's birthday with a parade, breakfast, nap, and fireworks
- welcomed a nephew and a niece
- I was blessed with the opportunity to go to girl's camp as the stake camp nurse
- celebrated pioneer day with the Frys
- made huge dents in our basement: framing, basement entrance, electrical, plumbing, sheetrock, doors, mudding/puttying, and now paint.
- had our family pictures taken at daybreak lake
- purchased a cannon t3i to better preserve memories of our bebe(s)
- Amelia loved swmming lessons, dance lessons, and loved going to the library for toddler time
- went to the rodeo for Amelia's 14 month birthday
- picked some beautiful pumpkins at the pumpkin patch and carved into them with our toddler
- enjoyed walking to and from church
- Jeremy and I celebrated our three year anniversary at the SLC temple
- I had my golden birthday: 22 on the 22nd
- dressed up as little Red, the wolf, and grandma for Halloween
- celebrated Thanksgiving with both our families
- watched our best little friend Bosten receive a name and a blessing
- I got full time status at work, meaning only three nights a week and no more Sundays!
- Amelia turned 18 months and started nursery.
- we celebrated all December long: lights at temple square, zoo lights, gingerbread festival, gingerbread houses, fotofly santa, etc.
- was spoiled for Christmas
- Jeremy and I fell more and more in love with each other and with being parents
- we grew closer with our neighbors
- Amelia grew up right before our eyes
- I was released from primary and may have cried a little
- welcomed the New Year at 10 pm on the eve, because we're old.
2013, you were incredible to us.

Thursday, January 2, 2014

being a nurse

I've been a little stressed out lately.
I can't explain it as well as I'd like
because there's just so much.
like so much that I had an anxiety attack. at work.
like so much that I'm constantly exhausted and nauseated.
like so much that I wonder if I am really cut out to be a nurse.


on new year's day,
I walked into work, got report,
had my first death an hour later.
palliative care, not really my thang
but I think it might have saved me.

I keep thinking about God,
and why I'm feeling like I'm drowning.
but I choose to believe that
"if God brings you to it, God will bring you through it."