birthing scarlett babe

I got a lovely phone call on December 29th at 05:55 am from the labor and delivery charge nurse, telling me to eat a light breakfast and to come on in to have a baby! Jeremy rolled over and said, "it's not even 6..." I jumped up and started packing up our last minute items (yes, I had a list for this). My heart was pounding and I couldn't be more excited. Getting Amelia ready was hilarious and heartbreaking at the same time. It was the last time we were going to do our morning routine, just the two of us. I'm not sure how to describe the guilt of taking away the "only child" status from your only child. Regardless, we managed to move along. I just kept telling her how much I loved her all morning.

We arrived at the hospital around 7 am. Checking in and admit history was an easy process, because of our previous L&D visit at 27 weeks. I met my nurses and PCAs- yes there were multiples and yes I believe that students have to start learning somewhere. My first cervical exam was 3+ and 70%, enough to avoid pitocin and just wait and progress after my amniotomy. It took two tries to place an iv, and I was started on some fluids while we waited for Dr. Thackeray to finish his scheduled c-section. My requests were discussed and I immediately established a good relationship with my nurses.

It was around 9 am when Dr. Thackeray stepped in. Having my water broken was probably one of the most traumatizing events in labor, we're 2 for 2 now. I felt like I couldn't breathe and was having an internal panic attack thinking I wasn't strong enough for an unmedicated delivery. The hook couldn't successfully rupture my bag of waters, so we had to use the fetal scalp electrode to finish the trick. The immediate puddle and constant gushing of warm fluid was a little tricky to get use to as well. Contractions started coming regularly. Because Scarlett's baseline heart-rate dipped significantly with the first contraction, we monitored her for a bit longer before getting up to walk.

My cervix was checked again around 10:30, with no change. I knew my contractions, though regular, were too mild to make a difference and agreed to pitocin to augment my labor. Pitocin was started at 4 units, and I immediately noticed a changed in the strength of contractions. At 11, my pitocin pump was increased to 8 units, my body pumped out seven contractions in a row, Scarlett babe let us know she wasn't being oxygenated enough, and we decreased back down to 4 units stat.

Eventually, Scarlett's baseline stabilized and Jer and I proceeded walking around B pod with a portable telemetry system. Yup, hooked up to a couple of tubes, pushing it all around on a cute little pole, staying close to the railing for those intensifying contractions. Jeremy provided counterpressure in my lower back and also this lovely picture. The nurses had mentioned they typically checked cervixes every two hours and as needed, which for me would be at 12:30. I had planned on waiting until 1 pm in hopes of getting better news (you know, the mind games I play with myself). However, on our last lap around 12:30, I felt pretty desperate and also like the contraction intensity was semi-breaking me down. I asked to be checked: 6/90/-2.  I was thrilled. We all expected delivery within the next hour (since I went so fast with Amelia). The nurses set up the delivery table, pulled out the mirror, and paged Dr. Thackeray. Who came down immediately, rechecked me, and agreed it wouldn't be much longer. I asked him if he was a good runner, and he told me he was decent before heading back upstairs to his clinic. I muttered to my nurses, "he better run! those women can wait their turn... they'll have their time to shine soon enough!" (because I'm hilarious like that)

Time started to phase out as pain completely phased in. I kept emptying my bladder and "getting stuck on the toilet during a contraction" (something I wanted to avoid from the experience with Amelia's labor). Lots of counterpressure from Jer, lots of choice words from me, lots of distraction stories from the nurses. I told the nurses that contractions were bad, but I definitely knew I wasn't close to complete by my scale of hysteria. They told me they trusted me as much they could throw me. Jeremy totally backed me up by saying, "well, she's not very big..." I was checked again soon, and had progressed to a 7.

The contractions worsened (of course) and tears started leaking out of my eyes uncontrollably. I mentioned I felt like I needed to poop and didn't want to do it on the table. The nurses were silent and I knew they were thinking I was complete. I told them I knew my body, and was confident I wasn't close to complete with where I was on my scale of hysteria. They were insistent I didn't go to the bathroom for fear of my delivering on the toilet, and they checked my cervix again: still a 7. Frustration set in instantly. I was frustrated that I hadn't progressed further. I was frustrated that I needed Jer to push on me from behind and I couldn't see his face. I was frustrated with my slow loss of control.

Okay, let's pause for a minute and talk about my amazing nurses. From the very beginning, they listened to me. It was important to me that I was in control, and they made sure I felt like it. They knew I wanted an unmedicated delivery, and promised they wouldn't offer the epidural to me during any part of labor. They moved their charting cabinet forward, so I could watch the FHT/contractions screen and their charting. They let me tell them my plans and accepted my insanity as I changed my mind. I asked Lisa to take pictures since Leslie was trying to be more independent, and I found these beautiful pictures on my camera. I mean seriously, everything. was. perfect.

The contractions continued to come and apparently too hard and too close together that my pitocin was turned down to 3 units and then to 2. I was crying hysterically through each contraction and started to scream [I don't think I can do thiiiiiis!!!]. And also just screaming period. And also saying things like, "stop screaming woman. just calm down" which, later, Jeremy informed me that nurses loved. I changed positions often, but mostly remember being on hands and knees towards the end. I was shaking uncontrollably and feeling like I was dying from the heat and the nurses asked to check me again: 9. Jeremy was definitely a lot more enthusiastic about the 9 than I was. He kept pushing against me and kissing my neck and cheering, "a 9, babe! you've got this! just another few more minutes until we meet Scarlett!" I struggled to find the elation through my pain. Mostly, I just started bawling, telling Jeremy, "I just want her to come out, I can't do this anymore" over and over. In the background, I could hear Lisa and Leslie discussing how they had paged Dr. Thackeray multiple times, and needed to page him again. I felt completely out of control at this point and eventually started screaming, "I am hysterical!!!!" right as Dr. Thackeray ran in, asking "how are things going.... Oh!" (Jeremy thought that was pretty hilarious) The nurses agreed that he had time to gown up, and they started breaking down the bed to prepare for the real deal.

Through my haze of hysteria and pain, I felt Scarlett descend down and I screamed out, "she is coming!!! right now!" I flipped over, and sure enough I was crowning. The pain was unreal. I felt a little awkward getting in the right position to push, of course Lisa and Leslie guided me. The only thing I could see was Jeremy's face right in mine, telling me our baby was almost here. I was terrified, but felt so safe at the same time with the promise in those sincere blue eyes. Jeremy and I have always been solid, but I'm never more sure of us than when I am laboring. Becoming parents together has always strengthened our love and I'm so grateful to my girls for it. I squeezed his hand as I pushed our babe out into the world. 1.5 contractions and her head was out, another full contraction and Scarlett Anne was here.

We were just so happy to be new parents again. Scarlett Anne Bodtcher, born December 29th @ 2:13 pm, 7 pounds 5 ounces, 19.5 inches. They placed immediately her on my chest and Lisa told me to look down. Jer kissed me and we stared in awe at this new little human we had created together. I was a complete train wreck, sobbing because of my little miracle. She turned pink quickly, and was assigned apgars 9 and 9, by a nurse who called herself a little stingy with her 9's. I am amazed and so grateful how perfectly the stars aligned for my family and I. I'm so grateful for my lovely Scarlett, for making me a mommy again. These moments after a new baby comes always make me feel closest to my Heavenly Father, and I am always so teary because of it. I'm so grateful for my Jeremy, who always steps in when I am struggling and steps up to his roles and responsibilities in our family. I'm so grateful for advanced medicine and clinical practice and medical professionals that made it possible for me to deliver safely and the way I want. My heart is so full and I couldn't be more grateful for all that I have been blessed with!

My nurses- Leslie on the left and Lisa on the right (baby Scarlett in the middle, "excellent!")

Dr. Thackeray with Scarlett Anne. (If you are ever in search of an OBGYN, please come talk to me about this amazing man)