my NCLEX-RN experience

This last Tuesday, I took the biggest exam of my life. This is how it works: there's a minimum on 75 questions, they'll stop you at 75 if they're sure you know your stuff or if they're sure you don't. Otherwise you keep going until they're sure or to the maximum of 265 questions. You get 6 hours to test.

I've been preparing for this since the first day of nursing school. But most extensively, the last three weeks. Registering for the exam, alone, is a stressful factor. The pressure built each day. I couldn't sleep very well the two nights before the exam, so test day I was coasting on adrenaline. I was a ball of nerves the entire morning. I ate breakfast and immediately thought I was going to throw it back up; my stomach hurt, I was extra sensitive, and Jeremy put up with me.

We dropped Amelia off with my mom around noon.

A lot can change in two years. Except for my taste in men, of course! The top left picture was taken before we drove to Las Vegas for Jeremy to take his NCLEX. I had no idea what he was in for in the first picture, but he knew exactly what I was going through in the second.

We drove up to the testing center in Bountiful, and arrived an hour early. While I was reviewing some last minute lab values, Jeremy wove through the streets and we ended up at the Bountiful Temple:

I was on the brink of tears. Jeremy gave me a (father's) blessing, and tried to get me to laugh. Then he drove me back to the testing center, while I focused on my breathing.

The whole checking in process is kind of ridiculous. I had my hand/fingers scanned about 50 times to make sure I was me, and not my twin trying to take the test for me. The boy that arrived right after me asked, "so are you excited?" I stared at him and said, "no." (awkward) then I added, "I'm excited to get it over with." I'm so terrible with small talk when I'm stressed out.

We went into the exam room, I put my earplugs in, I was shaking through the tutorial they make us watch, and right before my exam starts, I prayed. I can't tell you exactly what questions my exam included. I can tell you that I had a lot of alternative answer questions, and I had a lot of questions that I had no idea what was being asked. My two OB questions- never heard of the diagnoses, never heard of the symptoms. I stuck with my gut answers, flew through the questions, I felt so at peace. The exam shut off at 75 questions, and I was only somewhat surprised. There was no gut feeling that I had passed, but I wasn't terrified that I had failed.

When I called Jeremy, he laughed and said it hadn't even been an hour, "75 and out, huh? did you make NCLEX your biotch?" He drove me back south, where I scarfed down some food and we went to watch Fast 6. My paranoia didn't get the best of me that night.

The next day I spent focusing my energy making Amelia's birthday invitations; it was a great distraction. However, two of my friends who also took the NCLEX on Tuesday already had their licenses posted. Every hour I refreshed the DOPL website, and every hour there was zero results for Liana Bodtcher. It was a terrible thing to do to myself, and I quit at 1 in the morning.

My friend Christie texted me at 7 in the morning, "I just checked DOPL, congrats!" I couldn't be satisfied until I saw it myself. Ah, those five seconds after I saw my name were unbelievably amazing. Hallelujah, I was finally done.

So that's why I've been MIA lately. I'll probably continue to be MIA while I plan this giant party and look for a job. I've got a list of things I want to blog about when I get the chance... I'm so grateful for my family and friends who got me through the last four years. So grateful for blessings and the power of prayer that kept me calm through my test. So grateful that I'm done!!!!!!!!


ps. I ran for 98 minutes today. That's 10 miles. BAM I still got it! :)

on quitting and not

For me, there are defining moments that set me apart as someone who is strong, and someone who quits. If you know me, I'm not a big fan of quitting.

Anyway, I have a goal of running 13 half marathons this year. After my third half on the 11th, I had set a new personal record, 01:53. That high I felt was unbelievable. And training, the following week, was equally as miserable. I couldn't believe the pain, aching, nausea, exhaustion I was feeling with just 3, 7, and 4 miles. Friday, I was suppose to run 10. 10 miles should be nothing compared to 13's, right? I ran a total of one mile before I gave up. I'm so embarrassed to admit this! I was a quitter that day. All hopes of training and running a full marathon this year went out the window. I thought maybe I'd try again tomorrow.

That night, as I downed some caffiene to prepare for a long night of studying, Lauren texted me that Nate had thrown out his back, and couldn't run the Odgen half the next day. "do you want his spot?" Instantly I said yes. Yes to waking up at 2:45 am, yes to running 13 miles when I couldn't run 1 earlier today.

The next day, we waited for an hour in the light rain for the race to start. We hoped it would let up. When the gun went off, I could feel the rain beating down heavier. Immediately, I knew I wouldn't get a new pr from this race. A hundred hours later, I finally saw a little mile marker, "Mile 1." I was devastated. Usually I coast to mile 5 before I realize I'm a little bit tired. I was freeeeeezing! My jacket was completely soaked, I couldn't see through the rain, my legs were pounding, I could smell everyone's odors around me, why are there all these hills? ...I started sobbing. I didn't want to run this race. I was going to drop out at the next aid station.

The next aid station came and went. I put one foot in front of the other, through puddles, mud, piercing rain; carried myself mile after mile, aid station after aid station. I didn't chant my mantra, "you're not even tired" because I was exhausted. I hid behind other runners when I saw photographers ahead. I saw myself through mile 7 and mile 8 and knew I was going to finish this. I read all the encouraging signs along the way. One said "...baby, you're almost there. only a few more miles." and I lost it again. These signs obviously weren't for me, but knowing Jeremy thinks of me the whole time I run always lightens the load. And of course, those blessed people who yell, "only one more mile! one more mile!!! run!!!!! runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!"

Finally, I crossed the finish line. Gun time, 2:18:24. Tag time, 2:16:38. I've never been that happy to finish a race. I got the slowest half time of my season, but I proved to myself that I am not a quitter. You know that quote? "My child, you worry too much, I've got this remember? Love, God." it stuck to me that whole race. I was given an able body to do some incredible things. I'm grateful that I've trained and exercised it to finish something hard.

 

4 down, 9 to go.

eating

wish I could blog about graduation, or the fact that my baby will be a whole year OLD in less than 30 days.

instead, I have to spend my time studying studying studying. for that big licensing test, you know?

instead, I'll let you in on a secret that I have realized:
I can live off of kit kats, dr. pepper, and cheese sticks.
(just in case you wanted to hand deliver some in the next month or two, while I try to become a registered nurse)

xo

running and rituals

today, I ran 13.1 miles at thanksgiving point. and it was pretty glorious.

this is one of my favorite parts of the race. yes, the beginning. when we are all stretching and jogging in place, connected through our excitement to run. and the announcer acknowledges our hard work and struggle to train and dedicate ourselves to running, and tears surround my eyeballs. then we have a moment of silence to those who were affected at the Bosten Marathon finish, and those tears are coming. although running is mostly an individual sport, I just love the unity I feel in races.



some of my rituals for races:

-try to defecate, or go #2, before the race. having to use the porta potty while watching minutes add to your race time is the worst. thing. ever.

-start slow. adrenaline is usually racing through my vessels when the gun goes off, so I try to start with a 5 mph pace. you know, so I don't run at a 7 mph pace, and crash at mile 3.

-ride the downhills. these are my best friends- I sprint down hills and they give me momentum for whatever is next.

-sprint the uphills too. if you hate them as much as I do, sprint through them so they're over with.

-imagine a rope linking you and the runner in front of you. then imagine the rope getting shorter and shorter. you will catch up. :)

-have a mantra of encouragement to chant in your head when you get tired (mine is, "you're not even tired"). only use selected mantra after mile 7, or halfway through your race.

-utilize course loops. soak up the cheering from the runners ahead of you, but be prepared to cheer on the runners behind you. this love will keep you going.

-lastly, have a groupie (haha). they are the best support! they encourage you, they drive you to the race, they babysit while you run, they take pictures for you at the finish line, they bring you dr. pepper after you finish, they adore you (my groupie is my hubby, and he is most definitely the best).

 



happy running! xoxo

happiest 10 months

Millie babe is 10 months old. I can't believe double digits is here. I'm still in denial she'll be a whole year old in two short months. Amelia loves to play and flip through books and crawl. She loves following Jeremy and I into different rooms, she loves playing with the toliet paper roll (we've started to turn the roll backwards), and she loves the toliet bowl water (we've started keeping the lid down). Amelia is independent and loves to explore, but only at home. Out in public, she's the biggest mommy's girl you'll ever meet.

She has so much personality. She stops playing and crawls over to you to give you slobbery kisses. She eats and says, "mmmmmmmmm." She bites you, and when you scream in surprise, she mimics. Sometimes she bites herself, and squeals. She makes kissy sounds, we're working on actually blowing the kiss. She waves, she talks like crazy. She says, "ma ma ma" all day long. She loves knocking down tower blocks. She loves giggling and doing her big CHEESE face. She dances to music. She gets so excited waiting for her tub to fill up for bathtime.

She walks well while holding one hand. She's taken 4 steps on her own. She drinks from her own sippy cup. She loves cheerios- this is my secret on how to get her to eat everything. Speaking of food, she is doing so much better- 3 full meals for almost a week, and hardly any screaming. Turns out she had tooth #5 cutting in. Sometimes she holds her hand out and makes me kiss it before she'll take another bite. She breastfeeds once in the morning and once at night. She takes 2-3 ounces of pumped milk with each meal. She sleeps from 8 pm - 6 am. I feed her between 6 and 7, before my run, and she'll sleep until 8 am. Today she slept until 10 am! (who is my baby?) She takes two solid naps a day- usually around 10 am and 2 pm, but it varies, and we're okay with that.

Amelia loves texture books. She loves feeling things with her fingers. She likes to put them on my lips, in my mouth, on my tongue, on my eyeball, through my hair, up my nose, etc. She doesn't like to wear bows on her head anymore- breaks my heart! She pulls her socks off. She loves playing peek-a-boo (or different versions of it). She loves raspberries. I just barely put away all her 3 month clothes- it's just 6-9 months now! She enjoys the outside- it's so nice that it's getting warmer. I love watching her listen and look for cars driving by, or discover other children playing, or feel the wind breeze by. She is so smart!

Amelia baby- we love you through and through. You are the sweetest baby we've ever met. we can't believe we are so blessed to have such a smart, full of personality, full of curiousity spit-fire, all in such a cute little package. Still can't believe you chose us, sometimes I still can't believe you're ours. We love you to the moon and back. Happy 10 months!

today

I forked over $200 to Pearson VUE to sign up for the NCLEX-RN. That's the test I will take be be licensed as a nurse. Next week, I will fork over $100 to dopl, so I can be licensed in utah. I'm most definitely excited to annouce this. I've worked so hard the last 5 years for this.


In 29 days, I will graduate from the University of Utah.
As soon as my transcipts post, I will hand deliver them to dopl.
As soon as my paperwork is processed, I will sign up for the next available exam.
If all goes well, I will be a licensed nurse before July.


I love lists and plans.
But after I'm licensed, then what?
I've been freaking out the last couple of days because of this realization.
I've had every semester planned out since sophomore year in high school.
Now what?

Am I working full-time, part-time? Where am I going to work?
Am I going to apply for graduate school? Am I even hard-core enough to go?
Am I going to have more babies? When is that going to happen?
When are we finishing our basement and getting renters?

The lack of goals and milestones is making me anxious.
What's going to happen now that I'm all grown up?
Part of me still can't believe this is all happening.
Pinch me, please.

Easter Sunday

Easter Sunday hasn't always been special for me. It's amazing how much your life can turn around in a few years. At one point in my life, I was sick of everyone making a big deal about Easter, because I was too old to find eggs. and then yesterday, I'm trying to stifle my crying as I bear my testimony to my five year olds. Usually they're so rambunctious, it's hard to get a word in. I'm telling them how Jesus died on the cross for us, and he lived again, and so can we, with our families, forever, and it's silent and they're all absorbing it in. I'm sure they've heard this story a thousand times, and you probably have too. I'm so glad we celebrate Easter, I'm so glad I know the atonement is real and I can have my loves forever and ever.

One of the things I worry about constantly is I am a good mother: if I share the gospel enough with my children, if I am a good example, if I'm the kind of mother that will raise children worthy of and desirous of going to the temple and serving a mission. Not being raised in the LDS church, this is a legit fear! I don't know how children are suppose to behave in sacrament, I don't know when they start reading scriptures, I don't know how to tell them who Jesus is. On Easter morning, I gave Amelia her first empty tomb. You know, an empty Easter egg symbolizing the resurrection of Christ? She sat there feeling her plastic egg, listening to the story of Easter morning and what it means to me, watching me cry. and I just knew, we're going to be alright. Good thing Heavenly Father has my back. :)

At church, yellow and grey will probably always be my favorite combo of colors.

 

 All the grandchildren on Jeremy's side,

from left to right: Amelia, Ava, Abi, and Kohen

getting a good picture of all four kiddos in their Easter best is harder than you think!

 

One of the candids. I love this one.

Amelia is a little bit of a thumb-sucker,

and her Aunt Melissa had to pull it out a couple of times for pictures.

Amelia's face says it all.

 

Oh, and Abi just kept kissing Kohen over and over. Love it. 

The older girls wrote, "Happy 1st Easter, Kohen & Amelia!" on the steps.

These two babies are so lucky to great examples in their older cousins.

Amelia's been into feeling different textures lately.

Obviously, not very into the grass.

If you think about it, it just feels so weird!

"um, can you guys stop taking pictures, so I can go look for some eggs?"

ha! love her sweet face!

Amelia finding her first egg, and putting it in her little basket.

 

"guys! I got one!!!!"

three cute girls swinging away.

 

look at that sheer joy. and also that hair blowing in the wind!

I'll take any opportunity for a family picture.

Good thing Amelia has a new obsession with touching my face at all times. Love it.

 

Grandpa Bodtcher raises some chickens in his backyard.

Amelia was pretty interested in these little creatures,

and we thought it would be a good idea to let her touch one.

Abi chases after one, catches it, and bring it over for Amelia.

who then, pulls out a couple of feathers

(so sad, we haven't quite learned the soft soft soft concept yet).

These are pretty close to my favorite pictures of the day.

Abi would kill me if she knew I posted these.

While Amelia was petting pictured chicken, the chicken started flapping her wings in Abi's face.

Bahahaha! I can't stop laughing at these pictures!

Love you Abi! Can't wait for your wedding to pull these out!

We had some amazing dinner and spent some quality time with the Bodtchers. We got to see little Molly via ultrasound- we're so excited for her to make her debut this July! Loved this Easter and love this family that I get to spend eternity with.

Thanks to Aunt Emily for taking these amazing photos.

 

xoxo