again

(written a few months ago:)


It’s strange.

It’s strange, because all I can remember is

how huge I was-- how ridiculously giant I was, waddling around everywhere
how out of breath I always was
how I could never wear heels because my center of gravity was so off
how edematous my feet and hands and face were
how miserably hot it was
how much I cried
how hard she kicked and rolled and punched my ribs
how exhausted I was
how nauseated I was, how hungry I was.

It’s strange.

Because it’s all I want, so bad.
But it’s Day 1 of my cycle. Again.