it has always been you

I've always thought it was the sweetest when I saw a man taking care of his girl. And loving it too, like not caring if his buds teased him about being "so whipped." It melted my heart seeing boys opening doors, or picking out flowers, or reading sweet poems and I always encouraged it with a big AWWWWWWWWWWwwwwwww. I've always loved it, but I never needed it for myself.

I never needed it because I was insistent on taking care of myself. I can open my own doors perfectly fine, I can also have my own college degree and career to support myself, thanks! And growing up made me realize that those were all the little things... the big things were so much bigger-- the sense of responsibility, being a good father, being the bigger and better person in disagreements.

Anyways, Jeremy blew all my expectations out of the water. From the get-go he was all the little things and all the big things too. He opened all my doors and paid for every date. He held my hand and introduced me as his girlfriend. He always let me listen to my tswift on the radio (and remembered the lyrics too) and let me pick out chick flicks for movie night. He was never scared to say I love you in public or write me long long letters when I was nervous about investigating in the lds church. But he did tell me his greatest fear was not being able to support his family. He did tell me he always wanted to give his wife the option to work outside or inside the home. He did tell me he wanted to be sealed in the temple for eternity.

All the little things and all the big things, even now. Flowers for all the major events, but especially for no reason at all. I think he goes to the store with Amelia at night when I'm working and picks some out. Random "I love you" sticky notes around the house. Nowadays, I dread going to Costco with Amelia for multiple reasons, so Jer takes us to Sam's (less busy and "stressful" as he puts it) and refuses to let me pick anything up. even a case of yogurt. Scarlett is pushing on me and cramping me up, so he tells me to sit and he'll look for the oatmeal. We have a random date night, and he pulls over at a random store and asks if I want to walk around-- we do and make fun of all the ridiculous prices. The clock is ticking with only four months before Scarlett gets here, I tell Jeremy I don't want to work more than one day a week. He budgets every other night to make sure we're on track. Because I'm feeling insecure, he tells me I'll be bringing in the big dough to cover our private insurance and the groceries.

He still blows my my expectations out of the water. I love that our baby girl has him wrapped around his finger. She tries to hustle us into singing her as many bedtime songs as possible, and I'm always catching Jer whisper-singing after I've already walked out. He's always feeding her extra bites of ice cream because he can't resist her "pwwwease?" He taught her to say, "cute bum, mommy!" (which I'm not sure how appropriate it is to share on social media...) He always holds my hands and kisses me when Amelia is watching, so she knows how much he loves her mommy. He takes her to church by himself while I sleep, which is no easy task! He teaches her how to cook and clean, and how to catch and throw and make a lawn look nice, how to sing and count and how to dance and be reverent too.

I feel like I've been talking about my husband a lot lately, but I'm truly so grateful for the man he is and for all that he does. Whenever I think back to the day we got married, after 10 months of dating, I feel like we barely knew each other then. I barely knew him, and I knew he was my soul mate. It's a crazy, wonderful adventure and it's so lovely that Jeremy is everything and more that I've ever dreamed of.

Jeremy Ray, it has always been you.