27

week 27, also the last week of the second trimester!

things are still looking up these days

I've been doing trial and error with cushioning and sleeping comfortably.

for a while I was just sleeping on my back because that was the only way I could avoid cramping.

but now I realize I just need to be sleeping on top of a pillow.

not with it just supporting my belly or back,

but balancing in the center.

i had a terrible raging headache all day on friday and went to bed at 7.

10 hours of sleep!

it was marvelous, and I'm sure everyone appreciated it (esp. Jeremy)

we also went to see the Lorax this weekend. :)

we are so excited to have a little nugget so we don't feel like weirdos going to see kid movies.

it was wonderful! I love dr. seuss

and the morals in his wacky rhymes.

I pretty much want to buy all of his books for my babies!

so the picture of me above may or may not be in our painted nursery!

we're still awaiting the tree and the furniture and decor,

but I will surely post pictures in due time.

it is so beautiful!! :)

it has been SUCH a long haul,

since my husband is such a perfectionist when it comes to anything permanant on our house.

I can't wait to buy our crib!!!!

...I guess amelia's crib...

one thing I've realized about myself is how much I am changing.

I'm really trying to not say the word "hate,"

I keep thinking that somehow I'll be able to prevent my children from experiencing that emotion.

I'm sorely disappointed if the kids I teach aren't enthusiastic about the lesson I teach,

but I'm learning to approach teaching in different ways.

I'm more conscientious of the way I communicate with my husband,

if I tell him i love him enough, if I thank him enough, if i flirt with him enough.

if I'm really mad at him, or the situation, or at just the whole day.

I'm always checking my actions,

and wondering if I could explain my decisions to my baby.

if my decisions were the right ones, and if not, how could I possibly expect her to make right decisions herself if I'm not an example.

cognitive dissonance really spikes when you're considering your children.

I'm considering how I leave the world

what legacy will my children remember?

will I be the ornery perfectionist of a mother who had so many expectations

or will I be the kind of mother they could always count on and talk to about anything?

there's a million things that run through my head

that I would have never thought about a year ago.

when I was five, I was scared to ever be someone's mother.

I always thought that if someone broke into my house and we had to get away from the "bad guy"

I wouldn't be brave enough to protect my children,

which meant i didn't love my children enough.

and I wondered how anyone could ever be brave enough for something like that.

and now I am!

I think about how I would die for my kids.

I wake up in the middle of the night and cry thinking about losing them.

I cry thinking about their graduations, and missions, and wedding days.

I am more and more prepared for labor and delivery.

for the beautiful moment that I get to hold my daughter in my arms.

I think about if she can feel all my moods right now.

i think about what she's thinking about.

and all in 27 weeks.

and I wonder how much I will change in 13 more

aside from being more round.

in other note,

my belly button is pretty much an outie now!