trusting

yesterday, I finally finished and gave Jeremy his valentines present!

today, I can't help but feel that events in life always fall in place.

disappointing things that don't make sense always end up for the better.

like,

how we didn't get our house, and that was so hard to accept,

but two months later we bought our enormous home in a great location, that was already babyproofed.

If we had gotten that house,

we would have already been running out of space with our new addition to the family,

and we would both have to deal with university student traffic everyday.

like,

how I applied a million times to primary children's hospital, but never even got an interview,

but I got to keep my job with a flexible schedule that worked with my school schedule

and I got to meet this one cute guy I know...

like,

how my bestest friend in the entire universe and I hardly talked for over year and I thought I was going to die from loneliness,

but I got to grow up and stand on my own

and then I got to get to know a new best friend who asked me to marry him.

sometimes I'm confused as to why we were chosen to be parents.

why am I not going to peru this summer for nursing study abroad?

why can't I finish out my senior year without extra responsibilities?

why can't I get my graduation trip and tour around europe, like I've dreamed about my entire life?

why can't I work for a couple years and apply to graduate school?

why do I have to learn to be a constant example for my babies?

I know it's a selfish train of thought; all of these questions revolve around me.

it scares me to death to love somebody this much and not even know her.

it's days like these when jeremy has to clean up the bile I threw up in our bed and tells me he'll have the baby room painted by tomorrow even though he works all day long, and he compliments my behind before he leaves, that things don't have to make sense.

it just comes down to one thing:

trust in the Lord