friday, december 30th, 2011 will never repeat itself

which is why I am here to announce that this morning while I was snoozing between 0500 and 0503, I am fairly sure I felt the avocado-sized parasite growing inside me kick twice!! to which I responded by asking in a raised voice, "BABE DID YOU FEEL THAT!?" to my husband who was tightly holding me in bed.

and no he did not.

so I lied (laid?) there, with at least 6 more minutes left to snooze before I had to get up for work and my brain screaming OH MY HECK OH MY HECK OH MY HECK OH MY HECK I JUST FELT MY BABY MOVE! Most moms describe first kicks to be similar to butterflies, popcorn, bubbles, etc.

"but Jeremy! it felt like the elastic bouncing back to my skin when you pull on my pants! but from the inside!! the inside!!"

Jeremy: ...uh huhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..... (okay maybe not the best description I could come up with, but allow me to remind you that it was five'o'clock in the morning!)

I have never felt anything so happy inside of me! It wasn't a gas bubble, it wasn't a normal ache that I had to rub away, it wasn't a tiny stirring I made up it my head. It was two, beautiful, very distinct kicks right in the cener of my abdomen just announcing it's presence.

Yes, today is one of the better days of my life and I just had to share it with you.

xoxo

surprises

One thing that I absolutely love is a surprise. I love the idea of going out of your way to plan a surprise and anticipating the surprisee's reaction. I get so excited I can hear my heart pounding in my ears a few seconds before. I'm actually really terrible at surprises, because I can't keep a secret. I love being surprised. I love being in the center of someone's attention (who doesn't?). Nobody knows this better than Jeremy. He goes out of his way to surprise me whenever he can. I get surprise flowers all the time, I got my surprise proposal, I got a surprise wedding band, not to mention every single holiday in the year, Jeremy likes to pull some secret stunt to make me smile.

This year, our big surprise was announcing a new member of our family:

(isn't it just so perfect?)

We found out on our anniversary trip. I had been feeling sick and winded for a couple of weeks. I didn't really think I could be pregnant, but I needed to know for sure. Jeremy and I bought some tests the night of our one year anniversary, but we feel asleep before I took one. I woke up at 4 in the morning and realized that I had to find out.

People say they usually wait a couple minutes before the results show on the window. Mine was up in about 10 seconds: negative sign. what I expected, but still a little disappointing. all of a sudden the vertical line started appearing, and the negative sign was fading. You should have seen my face! haha it was the first time I saw a positive on a pregnancy test. I was so- scared! excited! nervous! surprised!

of course I woke Jeremy up, who was so so estatic. This man was born to be a husband, and maybe even more so, a father. He scooped me up in bed and started tearing up, telling me how excited he was to be a daddy. I couldn't live without this guy. I couldn't live without his support and enthusiasm.

I may or may not have taken 5 additional tests to be sure of this positive. I may or may not have persuaded my sister in law to call planned parenthood using a fake accent to ask if they did confirmation tests. I may or may not have told every stranger I saw that day, much to Jeremy's dismay. I may or may not have told our immediate families and really close friends within a week of finding out. (I told you I was bad a surprises!!)

Here I am, exaggerratingly protruding my belly, trying to convine everyone there's actually something inside! This was taken a couple days after we found out, when I thought that I was already 6 weeks along. When I called to make an appointment with my doctor, I was so surprised that they didn't want to see me until 10 weeks! The next month became a crazy questioning process... am I really pregnant? how do we even know I'm really actually carrying a baby inside of me?

Should I even be taking pictures like this? How disappointed will I be if I'm not really pregnant? Should I take another pregnancy test???!!!! How will the doctor know I'm actually pregnant? Do I get an ultrasound at my first appointment? Why do I have to wait until I'm ten weeks!!! Is my dr. pepper addiction going to affect my child? Do I have to give up everything I love to eat? WHAT am I going to do with nursing school? WHEN am I even due??? Am I really pregnant? ...seriously! I am I just imagining my nausea? am I ready to be a mother? Does Jeremy still think I'm sexy? Should I learn to control my stress levels since I'm growing a baby? Is it okay that I can't keep my mouth shut, and I just keep telling my nursing school friends? Am I giving my baby diabetes from all this sugar? Is it okay that I'm sleeping for 12 hours every night and still need a 2 hour nap? What does my husband even do when I am sleeping? WHY IS EVERYONE HINTING AT MY PREGNANCY!? DOES EVERYONE KNOW? am I already showing? should I be sucking in? Why do I feel like crying all the time? Should I even try to graduate from nursing school? Is my baby a sweet baby boy or a tough strong girl? Why don't these people drive safer?! Don't they know I'm paranoid of getting into a car accident? Why won't Randy stop badgering me about naming my child randy/randi junior? how should I decorate the baby room? Will someone I know see me swooning over these cute little onesies and find out I'm pregnant? Am I really, really pregnant?

One of my newfound hobbies was blog stalking other pregnant mommies-to be. I loved reading about how far along they were, how they were feeling, what they were going through. I loved stalking mommy blogs with pictures of their babies growing!! I loved reading about motherhood. I loved talking to Jeremy about being parents. All of a sudden the babies that my sister-in-law nannied didn't seem like minature hungry, screaming monsters anymore! (but some days, they still did).

We had our first doc. appointment at 8 weeks (when we thought we were at 10). Sweet Jeremy took rearranged his appointments with his patients so he could be there with me. Dr. Thackery told us right off we would have an ultrasound at the end of the appointment I was so nervous to find out if there was actually a bean in my uterus! (of course, there was!) It was so magical seeing my baby move and twitch and stretch! and it was even more magical seeing it's flicker of a heartbeat! I just don't even know what to say.

We had decided we would wait until Christmas to announce the news to extended family and facebook, which added to everyone who already knew's angst of spilling the beans (aka. Randy and Melissa Jane). Thanksgiving was only right around the corner, so was finals, and right after would be Christmas! It shouldn't be too hard! Oh it was. I know so many girls due in June! and it didn't help that I felt soooo sick during that final leg of first semester. I swore everyone in the nursing program guessed. (but it was all just in my head). Thankfully, I managed to pass all my classes! I may or may not have made the Dean's list agan!

The first thing I did when I finished finals was go shopping for myself- I easily bought 3 new shirts. Call me selfish, but I had had my head in a bubble for weeks and I needed some materialistic love. I know everyone feels like they just want to party after finals, but I stayed in bed pretty much the entire next day. Christmas break could not have come at a better time, and I could not feel better about being a bum. :)

What is crazy is how sudden I started getting a belly. All of a sudden I was telling my in laws that I wasn't pushing out anymore! All of a sudden, Jeremy was telling me I had to keep my coat on if I wanted our surprise to stay a secret! Isn't that bump just the sweetest thing?

Over the summer, I was training for a marathon and very proud of my gradual weight loss (15 lbs total!). I also developed a habit of obsessively weighing myself at least 3 times everyday. This is not good for someone who is pregnant and seeing numbers on a scale rising, when she has been so proud of littler numbers! I know it sounds shallow, but I have been obssesive of the foods I've been eating and the number on the scale. It was so great to hear that my weight gain was right on track, and for that tiny bump to finally pop out!

It was so great to tell our families on Christmas! It will be the first great-grandbaby on my side, and my grandma is so thrilled! My parents told me that the baby will be born in the year of the dragon, which means so much luck in the Chinese culture. We announced to Jeremy's side with a cute card for the grandparents that said "You are so great...... that's why we wanted you to be GREAT-grandparents again." It was so sweet receiving so much love from such big supportive families!

It was such a great Christmas! and such great way to top the end of the year. and we are so excited for the upcoming year!!! It's crazy to think that we will have a 6 month old crawling around this time next year. It's crazy how much your life point of view changes with such a simple tweak. :)

Some fun questions I've seen a couple girls on my stalking list do:

How far along? 15.5 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: +4

Maternity clothes? feels like they are almost a must! I'm definitely stretching!

Stretch marks? nope :)
Sleep: all the time :)

Best moment this week: announcing my pregnancy! and receiving cute presents for our baby!
Miss Anything? feeling physically great!

Movement: not yet, but the doc says I will before our next appt!

Food cravings: cuties clementines- I LOVE those things!

Anything making you queasy or sick: just depends on what I'm feeling at that moment in time.

Have you started to show yet: YES! :)

Gender prediction: We think it's a boy. :)
Labor Signs: no.
Belly Button in or out? in, but a lot less in than before!
Wedding rings on or off? on
Happy or Moody most of the time: can I say both? :)

Looking forward to: my next doc appointment and finding out the sex of the baby (Jan. 13th)!!!

Funny Moment of the Week: every moment with jeremy is pretty much a funny moment. :)

Sorry for the long post, but it was a lot to hold in for 2 1/2 months!!!!

xoxo.

one and a half weeks of school

and one final left.

I am almost done with my first semester of nursing school!

that's one-fourth, people!

just three more of these and I will be GRADUATED!

because I get stressed easily, I like to make to-do lists:

things left before I am free:

poster presentation tomorrow

study for ebp exam 3 next monday

study for pharm exam 3 next thursday

study for pharm final on the 14th!

is that it!?

I can't believe I'm actually going to survive first semster!!!

things I want to do over my month of freedom:

christmas shopping!

try out different recipes!

crafts!!!! (this is all I can think about!!)

painting!

ati practice tests

get fish for Jeremy's finish tank!

get my massage that Jeremy got me for my birthday!

buy new textbooks!

be involved in a surprise of some kind!

see all my friends!

have a house-warming party!

lay in bed and sleep in everyday!

bake cookies!

so much more!!!!!!!!!!!

On a different note,

for my health promotions class, we had to draft a personal wellness plan.

it was super tedious; 5 pages long, 10 point font, single spaced kind of tedious

and it was worth the bulk of our grade so... dun dun dun...

anyways, I had my super smart friend Austin edit it for me

and one of the parts was my goal to be less stressed out by the end of the school year (haha)

and I had to write interventions for it ie. make to-do lists, appreciate myself, yoga, etc.

and sweet Austin types in:

Also, I need to just realize that all of the small things I stress about really don’t matter that much in the long run. I have an incredible and supportive husband, ... and I’m a part of a wonderful nursing program. What more could I ask for?(You really don’t have to put that. Just pointing out how lucky you are!)

(I omitted a couple of personal things)

Anyway, it's true!!!

I am the luckiest girl in the world!

because:

I have such an amazing support system!

-all my best friends I've met throughout the years who love me and don't judge me for my decisions

-all my nursing best friends that just support me endlessly and help me get through the day without crying

-my parents who always have my back and cook such good food!

-my other parents (randy&julie) whose home I can just go to whenever I need to

-my INCREDIBLE husband who listens to me cry everyday over the dumbest things, who thinks about me so often, who has been picking up my slack the last couple of months because I'm so tired, who plans out great date nights when he knows I need them, who went and secretly bought christmas lights because he knew I wanted them so much!

I am so lucky to have a home of our own!

I fall more and more in love with it everyday! Jeremy works so hard everyday to pay for all our bills, and sometimes I can't believe we're grownups!

My education!

This is pretty self-explanatory. I can still feel the excitement when I opened my acceptance letter! This is the hardest thing I've worked for my whole life and I am so thankful that I can be a part of such a great program. I know of at least two different stories where a nursing school applicant didn't get accepted, and events happened throughout the next year that made them realize that they weren't meant to be in that cohort. Those two stories are of two of my closest friends in the program now, and they tell me everything happens for a reason (and seriously, I would be lost if they weren't in MY cohort).

I got accepted the first time around because I was meant to finish.

this picture cracks me up! we are total goofs!

there is so much more I have to be thankful for!

I've had a rough couple of weeks because of random things and pure exhaustion. I am so sorry if you had to reciprocate any of that crankiness (esp. Jeremy). There is a lot of room for my patience to grow, I think. Thank you to everyone who has helped me stay positive and who keeps loving me even though I am pretty much crazy!

remember remember the (1)5th of november

it's the middle of November, and I haven't blogged in over a month.
but it's okay, because I've been stressed like crazy.
Also, I've caught something I think. I'm sick with a stuffy nose and I don't want to do anything too intense. lately getting out of bed is a stuggle for me.

and today, I have the day off.
perfect time to catch up/get ahead on all my huge assignments due and study for tests in the next couple of weeks.
naturally, I have efficiently used the last two and a half hours of my time on facebook, pinterest, blog, online shopping. I really did try to start my ebp assignment due thursday, but my laptop won't connect to the internet. Hence, forcing me to use Jeremy's laptop, and therefore I can't do anything educationally productive.

so here I am.
and I am going to share with you some wonderful quotes I found:

"There are some people so poor, that the only thing they have is money"

"You were given this life, because you are strong enough to live it."

"Can't sleep? Instead of counting sheep, try talking to the shephard"

"The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still."

"Don't ever worry about things that don't worry about you."

"You'll never leave where you are until you decide where you'd rather be."

"It's never too late to be where you might have been."

"Happiness is a moment with you."

"I once read that the ancient Egyptians had fifty words for sand and the Eskimos had a hundred words for snow. I wish I had a thousand words for love, but all that comes to mind is the way to move against me while you sleep... and there are no words for that."

"The recession won't be over until we raise a generation that knows how to live with what they've got."

"There is no testimony without the test."

"Sometimes," said Pooh, "the smallest things take up the most room in your heart."

"I love you to the moon in back."

"Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth 'you owe me.' Look what happens with a love like that, it lights up the whole sky."

"I love you so much, I'm willing to make funny faces in public just to see you smile."

we are so cool.

I'm in a sick lovey mood. don't judge me.
hopefully I find something great to blog about, before my rest day is over!
or before I realize I have more things to do than I have time for.

I know my call despite my faults

today,
I was driving and this song came on the radio and I started bawling my eyes out.
isn't just great to have someone who always believes in you,
and tells you it's okay to be scared,
and that you can do anything under that sun?

sometimes I'm terrified that I can't do a lot of things...

a few weeks ago, I almost started crying in the middle of my nursing simulation

(where a couple of nursing students perform nursing cares on and talk to a mannequin for about 10 min.

oh ps. they film you, and your whole clinical group watches you,

then you rewatch it and get debriefed).

They made me the head nurse,

and I was shaking so hard afterwards;

I told Jeremy I was quitting nursing school.

he told me that I would be fine.

that it's so scary, and it makes you want to quit

but that's what makes it worth it.

the next week

I got a 98.5 on my assessment passoff

without even looking at that damn cheatsheet.

my husband is so positive and loving and excited and

he refuses to let me get down about myself.

it's great to have an advocate in your life.

to get a hello kiss everyday,

to know that someone will stand up for you even if you're wrong,

to know that you're not alone

when something scary happens.

i absolutely, completely, entirely love jeremy ray bodtcher.

to celebrate 52 weeks of marriage:

if you didn't know, this october 8th was our 1 year anniversary!

Jeremy and I went to Moab to celebrate

it was also where we went on our honeymoon,

where we lost all our honeymoon pictures,

so here's what we came up with to make up for it! :)

dark night driving out. :)

isn't the sky just gorgeous????

we went to the monticello temple. :)

it was such a small temple,

but with such a great spirit!!

of course we went hiking.

this is the turn right before you see delicate arch.

here we are. :)

it's gorgeous isn't it?

it's easy to feel so small when you see beautiful creations like this.

haha someone yelled out

"OH THEY'RE SO ADORABLE!!!!!"

when we took this picture.

it's true, we are!

yep, I married this goofball :)

we got these ginormous slices of pizza for super cheap!!

and we ate at pasta jays,

and it was the best expensive meal I've had in a while :)

we walked up and down this strip every night after dinner.

window shopped and actually shopped

we had to do a sunrise hike.

one of my favorite pictures. I love the sky!!

north and south window.

together by north and south window. :)

our trip was so nice and so relaxing.

just what I needed, as most of you know i stress out so much.

this was such a perfect anniversary

because as they say,

there are specific moments that are defined by

how much things are never the same after you pass through them.

so cheers to us for making the first year

and cheers to starting round 2.

and things will never be the same anyway. :)

Lamp of Learning

The College of Nursing hosts an annual induction ceremony

that's comparable to the medical students white coat cereemony

above is diana, christie and I in line to get inducted :)

thumbs up, always :)

and Diana is always such a goof :)

these two individuals put a really nice inducation pin over me :)

note about this pin:

my husband is super bitter about it! haha

this is what he says:

"I pay so much freaking money for that school

and I get a cheap plastic pin for graduation,

you are getting paid to go to school

and you get a METAL pin for STARTING!!!!"

hahaha

you can ask him about it,

don't worry, he'll be just as bitter :) 

Mikyla and I!!!

the sweetest girl in the entire world!

we were chem partners way back when I was a freshman!

now we're both in nursing school!

and also, she's engaged!!!! :)

diana, christie (and her little nugget, dylan) and I

hottest girls that night!!

xo

my cute family and I at the induction

randy, julie, jeremy, liana, mom, wan-yu, and dad :)

ps. note how handsome Jeremy looks???

and also how Jeremy and Randy match??? ha

in the car.

I kinda felt like we were going on a date

with our parents driving us, chaperoning. haha

cute parents at dinner :)

oh, and believe it or not?

we are moving out of this storage unit in t-25 days.

or less.

calling all supporters/fans/stalkers!

The 5 of you who read this blog probably already know that I'm in nursing school. What you may not know is that my cute little clinical group has started a blog of our own.

Follow us to stay updated! ...or just to show us some support and love. There's mostly just a ton of fun pictures, because you know us nursing students do crazy things!

xoxo,
Liana :)

relief society

Believe it or not, I previously had some fear/anxiety about relief society. (for my friends who are not lds, it is female organization in the church involving kindness, strenghening homes, and service.) a little funny, but I'll have to share that story another time.

Come to find out, I am actually in love with relief society. in all three wards I've been a part of. :) I went in a group of 6 beautiful ladies to the general relief society conference yesterday. Thank you President Uchtdorf for saying exactly what I needed to hear and for just being darling, as usual. I have decided to make each day wonderful and appreciate myself and everyone else because that's how I really want to live my life. Maybe it will help in stress reduction? :)

oh and ps. we may or may not have had a wild night out afterwards. I am currently in possession of a certain picture that may or may not be questionable. but hey, we got our spiritual feeding, and it will last us. :)

oh and ps. this is my best friend collette charles. we're pretty cute together, and we're also sisters by marriage. she inspires me to be a better person constantly and listens to my fears and insane freakouts and offers wonderful advice about life. I love her because we are basically the same person.

simple pleasures

sometimes when life is going crazy, you just have to take a step back and be grateful for simple things.

this song brings tears to my eyes.

not because I'm in the situation or anything :)

but adele just has so much soul and beauty in her voice.

and the song is just so tragically heartbreaking.

I think every girl who's grown up has felt some kind of pain like this.

please enjoy it :)



this picture makes me so proud of myself

anyone who knows me knows I'm so terrified of getting up in front of a group of people

my voice trembles and my whole body shakes and my brain just goes crazy

out of nowhere I decided to run for class rep in SAC, which is the student government at the College of Nursing.

today, I got up and made a speech with my little poster

without crying.

I didn't win.

but I'm so proud of myself for even trying!

 

next,

WHAT IS THIS!? who does this girl even think she is?????? haha

this was actually in the middle of my marathon.

the pictures were just posted,

and I thought it was hilarious that I was posing in the middle of my 26.2 miles

finally:

this is my favorite thing to be grateful for of all time.

this cute man is the best best man in the whole wide world.

he listens to my fears and devestations

and he works so hard everyday to try to buy me a house,

and he takes me to the temple every week,

and he loves me without limits.

don't we just look like forever?

ps. our one year anniversary is in 23 days.

I can't believe that it's almost been a year!

before I die, part 1

similar to many of my other deep emotional blogs, I always have difficulty finding where to start.

lately I've been having some trouble with the concept of death. and not finishing some work I feel like I have to do, and the people I leave behind, and the words that I have held back that I wish I didn't. things like such. so a dear friend of my mine gave me some pretty simple advice- get your things done and take control. I really liked that. probably because I'm pretty controlling.

I'm shaking pretty hard right now.




Dear Mom,

I love you.
and I'm sorry that we have a hard time communicating with each other sometimes.
a lot of the times it's my fault.

here's the thing-
I'm mormon.
I was baptized on May 29th, 2010. A lot of people ask me if I got bapitzed for Jeremy. and I understand the question if it's burning in the back of your mind, because we were engaged about a month later and married three months after that. The answer is no. That would have been too easy. Building my own testimony by myself is exactly why I think it's so strong.

It wasn't always easy. There was a lot of doubting actually. The first thing that made sense to me was prayer. and praying will always be the first thing I bear my testimony about to anyone. I love that you can pray to Heavenly Father whenever, whereever, however. and that He always listens. He always comforts and He always answers. He is always there to carry us. He knows us more than you can imagine. I cry everytime someone revelates about how He feels about me.

And the temple is SO beautiful, peaceful, breathtaking, reverent, perfect. I almost can't believe that going there always gives me insight about what I have been praying about. how to live better, love better, be better. I always feel so refreshed and ready to start anew. I always feel so comforted.

There's no way that all these feelings can't be true. You know me. I never cry. about anything. but I cry all the time because the Holy Ghost blesses me. I hope that someday this will make sense to you.

I hope someday the gospel will reach your heart. I hope someday you will feel the holy ghost and it will bring you the same happiness that it fills me with. I hope that someday you get to hear the blessings you receive in the temple. I hope that you believe them.

Love,
me.




I have been working up the courage to bear my testimony to my parents. and to anyone really. Being a convert, I know that it's not always comfortable to have someone always intensely pushing the gospel on you and bearing their testimony to you. Sometimes that draws everyone away. and sometimes it saves a life. it's all under Heavenly timing.

If I die before growing a pair and sharing this with my mom, I hope that someone will translate this into Chinese and talk to her for me.

and if nothing changes from there, then I hope that this has somehow directly or indirectly alter someone's life for the better.

a note about an inspiring Mrs. Bodtcher

I know a lady

with the biggest heart in the world.

She's the most genuinely kind, sweet, loving person I know.

She's a true advocate for those she loves

and even those she's not the biggest fan of.

She's so good without even trying.

She labors endlessly to make sure everyone is pleased.

She's unconditionally supportive and thoughful.

She's a great teacher and a devoted wife.

She gives to her children (by birth, and by marriage) without hesitation.

She serves the Lord with her strong testimony.

She has the most special touch with children

She inspires me to be a better human being.

She's patient-

so so patient with people and situations that I struggle with.

She's so kind

her laugh makes my days brighter,

her embrace helps when everything feels shot,

her support reassures and empowers me,

her generousity moves me,

her determination is uncomparable.

dear Julie Bodtcher,

Thank you for being such a great example to me.

No words could be enough to express to you how you've change me.

Thank you for your strong testimony,

thank you for raising such an amazing son for me to marry,

thank you for always listening to my despairs,

thank you for understanding and loving me even though it wasn't always easy.

You bring me to tears how much you just give give give.

You are the best mother in law a girl could ask for.

Thank you for welcoming us back with open arms

and being so happy to have us.

Thank you for supporting us when times were really hard.

Thank you for everything you've taught me.

Thank you for taking care of me when I was sick.

Thanks for always doing the right thing.

I love you.

entirely

surprise!

so......... if you haven't heard, I ran a marathon today!
I also blogged about it on my running blog.

the end!
xoxo

stress relievers

not sure if it's because something that's only suppose to last a week has now been dragged to over three weeks, but I've been having a rough few weeks.

for those who haven't heard, we didn't get the house mentioned in my previous post. Long story short, the lady who owned the house couldn't get into the house she wanted. good thing we wasted all our time negociating counteroffers and agreeing a price. sorry for jumping the gun everyone!!! we'll get there soon!

so with house hunting and finals (well just my one final, I guess) and work and my marathon training and other random stuff, I have had much more hair fall out than normal.

this weekend, however, my sweet husband took me on our first camping trip.

we did all the fun stuff and played games and slept in until there was sun outside. I turned my phone off and we hiked (a little). We set up our cute little tent and built a fire and cooked!! Good thing we have such good friends in the Piepers and had such a blast. I could go camping every weekend.