some weeks, I know exactly what I want to write to you, and some weeks I feel incapable of verbalizing what I want to communicate.
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I want to talk about self-image versus how Heavenly Father sees you. it's something so truly important that I hope you are able to learn before some very crucial moments in your life. the other night, I was laying in bed with Dad, sobbing my eyes out because I felt like a complete failure in every capacity. work brings on unspeakable exhaustion and some patients and their cares overwhelm me enough that I notice extra contractions throughout the night; these are the nights I don't eat enough, hydrate enough, empty my bladder enough, and especially love my patients enough. then there's my church calling: working weekends means I only see the young women on Wednesdays, which worries me if I can recognize if they are struggling, which worries me if I'm truly right for the calling. there's of course being a good wife and a good mother, which I'm nervous to delve into; you can imagine for yourself the patience that's left when one is exhausted and overwhelmed, but it's not really a great excuse. what about being a good neighbor? a good friend? a good daughter? a good sister? treating my body like a temple? the list goes on and on, and the tears came and came.
what to do when you're feeling so helpless? I prayed. and Heavenly Father answered. I know you're doing your best. I cried some more, do you really though? I don't feel my best in any extent of my life. Your best is enough. and I remembered I was serving one of the most sacred and most difficult callings in my life: motherhood. growing a child inside and outside my body. the other things filled the cracks, and truly I was still trying my best.
Heavenly Father knows you, and He sees you when you are struggling. I hope you don't forget this when you are overwhelmed and unsure. I hope you don't forget to pray when life gets too hard to handle. I hope you know how beautiful you are to Him (and to me, too!)
I love you,
Mom
yes. yes this. so much yes. i love you. you're incredible mama.
ReplyDeleteyou know how big she is at this exact moment. How big Kohen was when he was born. still so tiny! I love how often you blog and seeing all the cute belly pics.
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